The ‘three-hour night’ rule could be a gamechanger for your relationship

Coming home from work, you kiss your partner hello, crash out on the sofa until you muster the energy to cook dinner, and then mindlessly watch TV until it’s time for bed.

Repeating this same routine on a cycle, you might realise at the end of most evenings together that you’ve barely caught up with one another. It’s doing little for your connection.

For one woman, the so-called ‘three-hour night’ rule is the antidote to this modern-day relationship dilemma – and it’s been a complete ‘gamechanger’ for her marriage.

What is the ‘three-hour night’ rule?

Rachel Higgins and her husband decided that it was time to curate a new evening routine when they realised that after putting their daughter to bed at around 7pm, they would typically sit on the sofa and scroll on their phones.

Splitting the remaining three hours of the day into three sections, Rachel explains in a TikTok that the first is a ‘productive hour.’

‘We start with a quick clean up of the kitchen or things that have accumulated throughout the day, and then we try to do something that’s been put off,’ she tells her 21,000 followers.

Next, it’s an hour dedicated solely to their marriage. The key element of this is putting their phones ‘down and away’ and spending quality time together.

This involves things like ‘taking a shower together, having fun together, playing a game together, anything that’s going to get you guys talking and connecting, debriefing from the day. Anything that’s going to connect, strengthen and build your marriage.’

Finally, the last hour is one to spend completely by yourself, whether for self-care or otherwise – an element that’s often forgotten in relationships.

‘This is a time where you can do whatever you want for yourself without judgment. I’m usually reading a book or colouring,’ Rachel adds.

In the comments, countless followers – many of them also being parents – applauded the approach, with @rachyd6 likening it to a ‘closing shift.’

@JWoCATX95 reckoned it was equally beneficial for ‘us empty nesters too, [as] the phone scrolling is outta control,’ while @katiedemasi came up with her own approach, as though she couldn’t commit to three hours, she loved the idea of trying 30-30-30.

‘I feel like that hour to myself would have to be first on that list. I’d need to decompress before being productive or having fun with my husband lol,’ @savagetheoriginal joked.

How does the ‘three-hour night’ rule benefit relationships?

As relationship expert Claire Renier explains, the three-hour rule can take you back down to earth amid the chaos of the modern world, whether you have children or not.

Technology is all-encompassing, phubbing can swallow up communication in relationships, and all the while, the dishes piling up don’t help to diffuse any tension.

In fact, one 2025 study found that 1 in 10 Brits have actually broken up with a partner because they felt third-wheeled by their phone. The impact almost doubles for Gen Z, at 19% of 16-24-year-olds.

It’s not always just about household tasks not getting done either, but about the ‘emotional weight of feeling unsupported or overwhelmed’ – which is where the three-hour rule comes in.

‘It can be incredibly tempting to just sit down and scroll at the end of a long day, no matter how much you wanted to dedicate time to other things such as self-care or even time together with your partner,’ Claire tells Metro.

‘With this in mind, creating a structured plan or routine can help you prioritise different important elements. Carving out dedicated time for productive things like household chores or life admin, time together, and self-care can really help things feel more manageable.’

Being so intentional about dividing your time can also help to strengthen your communication skills, reduce friction and allow all partners to be more present, and in Claire’s view, this only ‘rebalances both your schedules and emotional connection.’

However, Claire does emphasise the importance of flexibility, particularly if you’ve got children. Sometimes, dedicating exactly one hour to each phase of the activity isn’t feasible – and in her view, a little bit of room for movement is a ‘cornerstone of all relationships.’

‘I’d recommend adapting the rule to fit your circumstances – whether this is spending an equal but reduced amount of time for each section or alternating how long you spend on each activity each evening to match your needs that day,’ she adds.

And while spending quality time together gathers headlines in a relationship, sometimes, the most important thing you can do in allowing it to blossom is taking intentional time out for self-care.

As Claire says, all relationship dynamics are different, but it can be difficult to ‘feel entirely present or even happy in a relationship if you haven’t had the time just to focus on yourself.’

She advises: ‘Keeping aside specific moments of time to look after yourself and do the things that you enjoy as an individual can help you to feel happier and more refreshed – which can also help you put your best foot forward to be present in your relationship.’

‘It’s also all too easy for quality time with your partner to slip down the priority list. By actively blocking out moments for each other, you are sending a clear signal that your connection matters.

‘Loving each other is no longer just a feeling, but is a deliberate act – building a solid structure capable of withstanding the pressures of modern life.’

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