This common bedroom phrase instantly turns me off

I was naked, horny and pissed off.

Brady* had really enjoyed his orgasm and initially, I had been thrilled.

Our sex had been quick but intense, a delightful 15-minute reunion with a lover I hadn’t seen in a few weeks.

He had rolled off seconds after his explosive climax and I could tell he needed a few minutes to bounce back.

That was fine by me, as I assumed he would return the favour once he’d had a moment to catch his breath.

So you can imagine my irritation when he uttered the five words I absolutely loathe to hear in bed.

‘I’ll sort you out later’ – said with a cheeky smile on his face.

For a second, I thought Brady must be joking but then he got out of bed to clean himself up.

So, there I was – seething, with my body on edge, so ready to orgasm that I could feel my skin vibrating at the very thought of it.

I knew Brady wouldn’t follow up on his promise.

Like many men before him, he would doze off and the next morning blame his lack of effort on feeling tired or say that it would be ‘my turn’ next time.

Except, it never was.

This type of situation happened to me a lot in my 20s and back then, I didn’t push back as much as I do now.

I don’t expect to orgasm every time I have sex – nor do I always want to – but I damn well demand that the other person in the room cares as much about my pleasure as I do theirs.

I have dealt with many selfish lovers over the years.

Ron* was a prime example of how not to behave with a sexual partner.

The sex was a little sloppy but still very hot – we shagged in his kitchen.

But seconds after climaxing, he ruined the mood. 

He didn’t even bother voicing the five dreaded words – ‘I’ll sort you out later’ – he just gave me a kiss in the way of saying ‘thanks’ and then implied that our hang-out was over but that we’d ‘meet again’.

My anger didn’t actually bubble up until days later.

I wasn’t just annoyed that he had left me hanging but I resented his disrespectful end to our evening together.

As far as I was concerned, in the bedroom, we were equals – so the next time we had sex, I made sure that I got mine.

It wasn’t a big discussion, I simply insisted that Ron treat my body with the same respect as I had done his by telling him ‘make me orgasm’ after he’d finished again.

I’m glad to report that he definitely made up for his lack of effort during round one.

There have been many other times where I’ve had to ask for my own climax but I know plenty of women who don’t even bother.

They worry about being too demanding or simply feel turned off by the fact their other half doesn’t automatically ask if they want to orgasm.

But to hell with that, I say.

I understand that it can feel awkward or intimidating to ask your lover to get you off but we all deserve pleasure.

It’s also worth remembering that orgasms aren’t the be all and end all of sex.

There are plenty of people who can’t have them or enjoy other aspects of sex more, which is absolutely fine.

But it’s your lover’s responsibility to find out what makes you tick.

Thankfully, my days of begging for orgasms are long over.

My long-term boyfriend Alex and I love taking care of each other’s needs.

Earlier this week, we had sex and I climaxed.

A few days later, it was his turn. After he’d finished, Alex asked if I wanted to do the same – but I wasn’t fussed.

‘This round was just for you,’ I told him.

For us, sex – and orgasms – isn’t a competition and we don’t need to keep score.

We just make sure to ask the other person how they feel and what they want on a regular basis.

For anyone who ever finds themselves in a situation like I have in the past, I have five words of my own for you.

Say it with me: ‘I want an orgasm too’.

Any decent sexual partner will then get the job done.

*Names have been changed

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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