He showed me a video – and awakened a whole new kink

‘Are you ready?’ 

I silently nodded for my lover to press play on the computer screen and took a deep breath to steady myself. I was nervous as hell but a familiar feeling of excitement was building in my body.

Seconds later, the screen was filled with a live show of a naked couple, seemingly in their 40s, going at it doggy-style on a bed.  

They had angled the camera to keep their faces hidden but their bodies were right there for us to enjoy.

When Luke*, who I had been dating for a few weeks, suggested that we watch another couple have sex, I figured he was just talking about bog standard amateur porn. Been there, seen that – no big deal.

But my adventurous bedfellow had something else in mind: Dirty Roulette. 

In practical terms, it was like a sexual version of Chat Roulette, a website that pairs you with strangers to speak to online. 

Except in this instance, Luke and I were supplied with a live feed of a random couple who were getting hot and heavy. And, unlike watching a porn clip, this was a two-way exchange.

They could see us, too. 

When this experience took place, over a decade ago, I’d never really considered sharing my sex life with strangers through a screen, or vice versa. In fact, the thought alone made me feel a bit awkward – but ultimately, this was an eye-opening experience that later led to me discovering my own version of this kink that I actually enjoy.

Our sexual tastes are constantly evolving – and, as I learned with Luke, it’s important to keep an open mind if a lover suggests trying something new.

You never know what pleasures it might bring out in you.

That night, Luke and I were hidden under the covers and didn’t do much beyond kissing, but our newfound digital pals didn’t seem particularly bothered by our lack of action. 

They didn’t speak to us or even really acknowledge our presence, but simply carried on having sex. 

I held back a laugh as the whole thing seemed so absurd – and a few minutes later, my shyness set in and I closed down the feed. 

Something inside me felt embarrassed and I was also ashamed to admit that I was turned on.

I was out of my depth, which intimidated me.

This is a pretty common way to react to a new kink, especially a less mainstream one, but try not to let it put you off. 

For myself, I have realised that part of the reason I felt uncomfortable back then wasn’t to do with the Dirty Roulette kink itself. It was because I am more of a voyeur – that is, I like watching – than a performer. 

Thanks to my rather unique job, I was once invited to a naked dinner event at a mansion alongside 20 other people – mostly couples. We were asked to strip to our birthday suits upon entry and wear a robe for the rest of the evening. 

Fast-forward a few hours and the entire group were naked and shagging on every available surface. Some were swinging, others had threesomes.

But me? Partly as I had attended with a friend, not a lover, and partly because I didn’t fancy having sex with a stranger that night, I was at the bar, watching it all unfold – and taking pleasure in doing so.

Another time, I was at a sex club when one couple in particular stuck out to me. They were both dressed to the nines – him in a suit, her in a glittery mini dress – and had kept their clothes on while they had sex on a round bed. It was incredibly sexy.

There have been a few exceptions, such as the time I slept with a man on a sun lounger at a swinger’s resort in full view of a dozen people, or when I fooled around with a lover in a hot tub that was occupied by several others (also having some form of sex).

These kinds of sex acts, where strangers expose their sex life to you, and vice versa – especially as a couple – are still considered quite taboo. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s for the same reason I felt with Luke all those years ago: Shame.

People worry about what others will say about their bedroom activities.

But what I’ve realised is that, firstly, you don’t have to tell anyone else what you get up to between the sheets – or who with.

But if you do harbour a desire to take part in Dirty Roulette, there is nothing shameful about watching someone take or give pleasure, whether it be on a live cam, at a sex event or in your own home, so long as it is safe and consensual for all parties involved.

I’ve yet to take a boyfriend to a sex event, mostly as they weren’t into the idea, but we have enjoyed fantasies together. More recently, an ex and I shared dirty stories that involved voyeurism – and it was so very hot – but we had no desire to make it a reality.

Sometimes, the fantasy is enough.

However, your kinks are what they are – and I encourage you to embrace them. If you want to try your own type of Dirty Roulette, whether online or in person, single or with a partner, go for it. 

But before you jump in with both feet, make sure to discuss boundaries with the other person, such as whether you are both happy to just watch, or if you’d like to take things further.

Have this discussion before you attend any sex events or press play on any webpages, so there is no confusion.

Most of all, keep an open mind – and then spin the wheel.

*Names have been changed

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

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