Half of all Brits under 45 have sent nudes at one point or another. But just because it’s common practice, doesn’t mean there aren’t risks.
In this week’s Money Problem, we hear from Amina, who has fallen victim to a scammer using her intimate images for blackmail.
The 24-year-old, from Chester, was chatting to a man from a dating app when the conversation turned sexual. But after she sent naked pictures, he threatened to leak them to her employer unless she gave him money.
Here, Metro consumer champion, Sarah Davidson, shares guidance on what Amina should do.
The problem…
A couple of months ago I split up from my boyfriend and signed up to a whole load of dating apps. I’ve been on a few dates but mainly it’s been a lot of messaging back and forth with loads of different guys.
Sometimes the conversations get really quite flirty and I’ve even sexted with a couple of the men I’ve met on these apps. I think it made me confident, especially as I could be way more open knowing I wasn’t actually going to meet them. Then I did something so stupid I actually can’t believe it. One of them, Ben, asked me to send him some intimate pictures. I was quite reluctant at first, but we’d been sending each other quite graphic messages for weeks and I just thought, why not.
I sent him a few pictures and was really careful to keep my face out of shot. Then he asked me for a video. I feel so ashamed, but I did and it’s obvious that it’s me.
Even though I wasn’t planning on meeting him, he did know quite a lot about me, including my full name and where I work.
The next morning, I got a string of messages from him telling me that he had saved the video and images and he’s going to send them to my work and post them online and tag me if I don’t give him £2,000. I couldn’t believe it, I thought it was a really nasty joke. But he’s serious and he’s been sending me more and more aggressive messages.
I don’t have £2,000, or anything like it but I am terrified of what he’ll do if I don’t pay him. I don’t even know who he is – all I’ve got is a number and what is probably a fake name and profile picture. I feel so stupid and I’ve only got myself to blame but I just don’t know what to do.
The answer…
Amina, this is absolutely horrific. It’s also a crime and you must report it to the police.
The first thing to say is that this is not your fault. Adults send each other intimate photos and videos all the time – that is not a crime where you’re both consenting and your privacy is respected.
You trusted this man, and you should not put the blame on yourself for what is happening now. He has committed what is known as sextortion and it’s illegal.
I know it must feel scary reporting it to the police so, I would strongly suggest that you confide in someone you trust and tell them everything. Don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed – he’s the one who’s done something wrong and the people who love you will want to protect you above anything else.
Then, you can either report it online to Cheshire police or go to any police station and they’ll make sure you’re able to speak to someone you’re comfortable with. You can also take someone with you if that makes it easier.
Report it to the dating app too, and if he does post any of the images or photos you sent him on social media, contact those platforms immediately and they are likely to take them down. If you’re struggling, Report Harmful Content and StopNCII.org will help you get intimate images removed.
There are a few other bits to say.
Do not, under any circumstances, send him any more messages. Even if he continues to send you threats.
The police advise that you don’t delete your account as it will have vital evidence that could help them track him down (but you might find it helpful to deactivate it so you’re not receiving constant messages from him). There’s no requirement for you to provide evidence, but the police will find it helpful if you’ve got copies of any messages between you.
You’ve already said you don’t have £2,000 to give him but it’s worth highlighting – do not give him a penny. Even if you did, he may make further demands of you.
If he’s sent you bank details, hand them over to police. You may find they also ask for timelines – when messages were sent, and any screenshots, photos or videos.
More Metro Money Problems
I mentioned earlier it would be really helpful for you to tell someone you trust to help you through this. However, if that’s too hard or you don’t feel there’s anyone appropriate, you can get in touch with a number of organisations offering free and confidential advice.
These include:
- Samaritans – call 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org
- Victim Support – call 08 08 16 89 11, use the Relay UK app or talk to someone online
You also mentioned that he knows where you work – tell the police this and, if there’s someone you trust at work, confide in them.
It may sound horrendous, but you should also ask your HR department or line manager to refer you to occupational health. You can then have a confidential chat with a medical professional who will make a report back to your work with recommendations for supporting you through this – you can ask to see it before it’s sent to your employer.
Final thing to say: you are a brave, brave woman. You’ve talked to me. You can do this.