My husband paid our entire £45,250 house deposit — it makes me so uncomfortable

Elaine Foster met her now-husband, Chris, in 2007, when they moved into the same street, just two weeks apart. After they both split from their respective partners, the neighbours grew close, and by 2012, they were a couple.

But having both been through divorce, when it came to searching for a home together, they agreed that they would keep finances seperate to avoid the ‘upset, bitterness and cost’ that comes with battling over assets.

There was just one problem: when the pair found their £452,500 Bedfordshire dream home, Elaine was unable to contribute equally to the house deposit. And so, Chris ended up stumping up the whole lot.

‘He put down the entirety of the deposit of £45,250 and paid the whole of the associated stamp duty and costs of sale,’ Elaine, 56, a family lawyer, tells Metro.

‘We decided that this would be reflected in a 60/40 split in Chris’ favour,’ Elaine adds.

Twelve years on, the situation is still the same — and it’s a fact Elaine struggles with. ‘I don’t really like knowing we’re not “equal” homeowners,’ she adds.

Elaine isn’t alone in her position. It’s a known fact that it’s harder for women to get on the property ladder than it is for men.

According to Women’s Budget Group research, women need over 11 times their annual salaries to be able to buy a home in England, while men need just over eight times.

And in England, for a one-bedroom property, 36% of women’s median earnings are absorbed by rent, compared to 26% of men’s.

‘There’s a voice in the back of my head that reminds me we’re not equal’

When the new couple started looking for a home, Elaine’s money was tied up in a previous property, which she was renting out.

Waiting for a sale could have led to the sale falling through, so they decided that the safest option would be for Chris to front the cash.

‘I always intended that when my own previous home sold, I would contribute such sums so as to put us back on an equal footing.

‘At the time, Chris put in more money, so it only felt right that he should have the bigger share of the property.’

But shortly after they picked up the keys in November 2013, Elaine’s circumstances changed. She went self-employed, and her salary dropped.

And so, by the time her property did eventually sell a year later, she needed to rely on that pot of money for daily expenses. As such, Elaine and Chris agreed to keep things the way they were, including their 60/40 split.

‘In the early days it made me feel very financially insecure,’ says Elaine. If they’d split, it would’ve been significantly more difficult for her to rehouse on 40% as a self-employed person.

But over a decade later, while the pair are happily married, Elaine sometimes still struggles with their set up.

‘I sometimes wish that we had either waited until my house had sold and bought equally, or maybe that we had bought a cheaper property that didn’t require such a large deposit, so we could have done 50/50 from the off, but here we are,’ she says.

‘Chris doesn’t ever mention it, but there’s this weird little voice in the back of my mind that occasionally prods me.

‘It makes no sense to me, but I feel so uncomfortable and emotional when I do stop and think about it.’

The majority of the time, Elaine says it ‘makes no difference’ to either of them how the property is held, but splitting things like building works stirs the issue.

‘We’d agreed that we should contribute to capital expenditure in the same share as our ownership,’ she says. This has been the case for upgrades like garden landscaping, new windows and doors, and a Juliette balcony for their bedroom.

‘This is fine when it’s work we both want done, but it does make me feel a bit uncomfortable if it’s me pushing for work that maybe Chris isn’t that bothered about doing,’ says Elaine.

Undoubtedly, Elaine’s background in law has influenced her views on property ownership and relationships.

When they purchased their home, the pair drafted a Declaration of Trust — a document outlining their respective financial contributions which in the event of them selling and separating, would only legally entitle them to their share of the home.

‘Luckily, we’re happily married with no plans to go our separate ways, and so now, if the worst were to happen, the equity in our home means I’d be able to rehouse on my 40%,’ she reflects.

Even when Declarations of Trust have been taken out, a court can overturn this if it leaves one partner vulnerable or unable to afford housing.

Now, as the couple look towards the future and securing their retirement plans, they’ve been considering the possibility of downsizing. And, in the event of them buying again, Elaine, a ‘proudly independent woman,’ is set on the prospect of equal ownership.

‘I’ve always been very independent,‘ she concludes. ‘I don’t like feeling like I couldn’t pay my way.’

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