‘We had two boys and gender swayed, and now we’re pregnant with a girl.’
Showing off her blossoming baby bump on TikTok, @candidlycarlie says that she and her OBGYN husband ‘only tried to conceive pre-ovulation’ – and ended up with a baby girl.
As soon as she entered her fertile window, the couple only ‘tried to conceive on the first two or three days’ and then ‘stopped’ completely as she approached ovulation.
She claimed: ‘This worked for us. Obviously, it’s not necessarily scientifically backed, and so it won’t work for everyone.’
It’s not just Carlie, though. There’s a whole hashtag dedicated to parents sharing their views on ‘gender swaying,’ many of whom claim they used various techniques – including the Shettles Method – to influence the sex of their baby.
‘The science is that girls live longer but swim slower, and boys swim faster but die quicker,’ @lex_brem says, alleging that she managed to ‘sway’ and ended up with a girl.
‘Another tip is to start doing it right after your period ends, up until two to four days prior to ovulation,’ she says.
After centuries of male domination, where parents wanted boys to pass on the family wealth and name, the global gender imbalance is shifting. Everyone wants girls now.
In July, Katherine Ryan, who is currently pregnant with her fourth child, joked that she’d feel gender disappointment if she has a boy, telling Heart Radio’s breakfast show: ‘I’m quite big, so I think it might be a boy, so I’m feeling dejected about that, because men have just antagonised me all my life, even before they’re born.’
The 42-year-old, who already has two girls and a boy, then added, more seriously: ‘I didn’t grow up with brothers, so it’s been an adjustment for me.’
But is it actually true that you can ‘sway’ the sex of your baby?
Can you actually ‘choose’ the sex of your baby?
The Shettles Method
This isn’t necessarily a new concept: the Shettles Method was coined in the 20th century by Dr Landrum B. Shettles, and essentially argued that male and female sperm had different characteristics (AKA, that male sperm were smaller and would subsequently swim faster).
In his view, timing sex to coincide with the day of ovulation meant that the male sperm would be more likely to reach the egg before the female sperm – thus resulting in a baby boy. Couples hoping for a girl should, in his opinion, have sex just before ovulation.
What is the difference between sex and gender?
It’s important to distinguish between sex and gender – as they’re different concepts, and shouldn’t be used interchangeably. It’s important, particularly for the trans community, not to conflate them.
As sexual health charity Brook’s website explains, ‘sex’ denotes ‘our biological sexual characteristics, which are the external genitals, internal reproductive organs, chromosomes, and hormones.’
‘Sex has historically been understood as just two categories: male and female. But it doesn’t always fit into the two neat categories and many people think of sex instead as being on a spectrum, with people being more or less male or female,’ the guidance adds.
‘Some babies are born with external genitalia that don’t fit with the traditional definition of male or female. This may mean that the baby has one of a group of conditions called “differences or variations in sex development” or “variations in sex characteristics.” Some people with VSDs/VSCs use the word “intersex.”’
Meanwhile, gender is a completely different thing altogether, instead referring to how someone might feel about themselves.
Brook’s website explains: ‘It describes the personal sense of feeling or knowing that you are a man or woman or non-binary person. This personal experience of gender is also referred to as gender identity.’
However, this theory has largely been debunked. Back in 1985, one study saw 73 women try this method over the course of four years – and concluded that the sex ratios were no different.
One 2018 study drew the same conclusion, writing that ‘the timing of sexual intercourse in relation to ovulation has no influence on the sex of the baby.’
Various other discredited theories include suggestions that couples can eat their way to a certain sex, whether that’s the father eating alkaline foods to conceive a boy, or the mother eating breakfast cereal for the same outcome.
And, as Charlotte Hoskin, registered NHS midwife at My Expert Midwife, tells Metro, while there might be significant interest in the idea of ‘gender swaying,’ there’s no scientific backing behind it.
‘As midwives, we completely understand the curiosity and the excitement that come with planning for a baby. It’s only natural for some parents to wonder if there’s anything they can do to increase their chances of having one sex over the other,’ Charlotte says.
‘These methods are more based on myth than on science. Biologically, a baby’s sex is determined by the sperm, whether it carries an X or a Y chromosome, and this is entirely down to chance.’
Charlotte recognises that some couples might enjoy trying these methods as part of their journey, but it’s fundamental to ‘manage expectations’ and ‘not place too much pressure on the outcome.’
She concludes: ‘At the end of the day, the most important thing is a healthy baby and a supported pregnancy, no matter what sex the baby turns out to be.’
‘Raising children gender-neutral is positive, even if you don’t agree with it’
As author, feminist and trans advocate Ugla Stefanía Kristjönudóttir Jónsdóttir previously wrote for Metro, one of the ‘first things we do when interacting with someone we’ve just met is to determine their gender.’
But in their opinion, raising children in a gender neutral way is only a positive thing – even for those who don’t agree with it.
‘Even before babies are born, we start gendering them based on their sex, referring to the growing foetus as a he or she.
‘So-called “gender reveal” parties, where people celebrate having either a boy or a girl, have also become increasingly popular.
‘But what if there was another way of raising your children, outside of gender norms?
‘The idea of raising your children as ‘theybies’ or gender-neutral (also known as ‘gender-creative’) has gained prominence in the last decade.
‘It means parents make a conscious choice to raise their kids outside of gender stereotypes, teaching them that there isn’t one way to be a boy or a girl, or that there’s no such thing such as “boy’s” and “girl’s” toys and clothes. It can also include referring to the child with the pronoun “they” as opposed to “he” or “she.”‘
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