My boyfriend wants to make our cuckold fantasies a reality — I’m unsure

Fantasy and reality can absolutely coexist, but many people prefer to keep the two worlds firmly separated.

Despite the fact she enjoys her boyfriend’s ‘cuckold’ fetish when it comes dirty talk and roleplay, this Sex Column reader isn’t as enthusiastic at the prospect IRL.

He wants to bring another man into their bedroom and watch them have sex, just as they fantasise about together, but she isn’t sure it’s the right decision – nor how to tell him how she feels.

Read the advice below, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a well-endowed man whose penis is a problem for his girlfriend.

The problem…

My friends all love talking about their sex lives, but I’ve yet to hear anyone discuss the sort of things I do with my boyfriend.

What turns us both on is talking about wild fantasies involving sex with other people and the things they do to us. It’s all made up roleplay between consenting adults, but now he has decided he wants to try out some of these things for real – in particular a fantasy we often have, involving me having sex with a much older man.

My partner now wants me to find someone whose profile fits the bill, and have passionate sex with this guy while he watches. Of course I want to please him, but whilst I’m happy with the fantasies I feel slightly uncomfortable about actually doing it in real life.

He usually takes the lead in our imaginary scenarios and I’m happy to go along with it. I’m not forced into anything and I do enjoy it, but listening to what my friends get up to, I feel like it’s not exactly ‘normal’ behaviour – especially if we act it out.

I haven’t mentioned my reservations as I don’t want him to think I’m some goody-two-shoes. I do want to be broadminded and adventurous, but now it feels like he wants to go a bit too far.

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Hi, my name is Laura Collins, and every week I write Metro’s Sex Column.

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The advice…

I’m a great believer in ‘anything goes’ as long as it’s legal and between consenting adults, but it feels like you’ve reached your limit. Don’t feel you have to do anything just to please your boyfriend – or the stranger you hook up with, who will doubtless have a good time too.

You’re not simply a passenger on this journey, and saying you ‘want to please him’ or you’re ‘happy to go along with it’ don’t really sound like ringing endorsements. It feels as though there’s a slight power imbalance in your relationship, where your boyfriend is quite happy to put you in an uncomfortable (or even risky) situation, without due regard to what you want.

Maybe you were brought up to believe your needs weren’t important, but you’re an adult now and the time has come to stand up for yourself. You’re perfectly entitled to draw the line at fantasy talk, without having to act out these situations in order to satisfy your boyfriend.

Please only do what you really want to do and don’t allow yourself to be persuaded that sex with an older stranger – while your boyfriend fulfils his fantasies and watches – is okay if that’s what he wants.

You’re in no way a ‘goody-two-shoes’ for not wanting to go this far, so be brave and tell your boyfriend straight out that you’re not up for bringing this particular aspect of your imaginary sex life into the real world.

If he decides to leave because you won’t fulfil his fantasies, then let him go. There are other less demanding guys out there, who would be more than happy to be with you.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.