I saw the letter addressed from the Home Office and my stomach immediately dropped.
It was autumn 2023 and I was waiting for a decision on my asylum application so I knew this would be it.
I cautiously opened it and read that my application had been refused.
It went on to state that I could submit an appeal within 10 days, but if I did not do that, I would have to leave the country.
At that moment, time stood still. Words cannot begin to express the agony, devastation, and despair that I felt.
Need support?
For emotional support, you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
Their HOPELINE247 is open every day of the year, 24 hours a day. You can call 0800 068 4141, text 88247 or email: pat@papyrus-uk.org.
I was drowning in fear – fear of being sent back to my origin country; fear of seeing my abusive husband again; fear that my life would be at risk; fear that I would be beaten, tortured, and raped; fear that I would die.
To understand what led me to this point, I have to go back to what life was like for me in my country of origin.
In the early 2000s, my husband started abusing me and this nightmare continued for our whole marriage. The domestic violence I experienced was relentless: I was beaten, tortured, and raped too many times to count.
The sexual, physical, emotional, verbal, and financial abuse I experienced at the hands of my husband chipped away at my soul. It stole all my joy and it made me fear for my life.
This Is Not Right
On November 25, 2024 Metro launched This Is Not Right, a year-long campaign to address the relentless epidemic of violence against women.
With the help of our partners at Women’s Aid, This Is Not Right aims to shine a light on the sheer scale of this national emergency.
You can find more articles here, and if you want to share your story with us, you can send us an email at vaw@metro.co.uk.
Read more:
After one particularly bad beating where I ended up in a coma, I knew I needed to escape.
So in the early 2020s, I decided to come to the UK on a visa because I thought I would be safer there. I came by plane, but I felt incredibly sick with nerves for the whole flight.
The trauma of the domestic abuse I suffered continued to manifest itself through anxiety, depression, and nightmares. In fact, I was diagnosed with PTSD soon after arriving, so I started taking antidepressants.
I attempted suicide a total of three times – all as a direct result of the fear and despair that the Home Office and their letter made me feel
Over the course of my first year in the UK, I knew I couldn’t go home so I frantically tried to renew my visa. When that didn’t work, I applied for asylum within a year of arriving.
Unfortunately, I didn’t receive a decision for a couple of years. This limbo period was hell.
Getting the Home Office letter in autumn 2023 marked the start of one of the most terrifying periods of my life. I feared that I would not make the appeals deadline within 10 days and that I would be deported as a result.
So my mental health symptoms intensified and I attempted suicide a total of three times – all as a direct result of the fear and despair that the Home Office and their letter made me feel.
Learn more about domestic abuse in the UK
- One in 4 women will experience domestic abuse at some point in their lives
- ONS research revealed that, in 2023, the police recorded a domestic abuse offence approximately every 40 seconds
- Yet Crime Survey for England & Wales data for the year ending March 2023 found only 18.9% of women who experienced partner abuse in the last 12 months reported the abuse to the police
- According to Refuge, 84% of victims in domestic abuse cases are female, with 93% of defendants being male
- Safe Lives reports that disabled women are twice as likely to experience domestic abuse as non-disabled women, and typically experience domestic abuse for a longer period of time before accessing support
- Refuge has also found that, on average, it takes seven attempts before a woman is able to leave for good.
I felt I’d rather die here than to go back to what I fled from.
Thankfully, I managed to find a new lawyer through my church, who was able to get me a deadline extension from the Home Office. They eventually submitted an appeal on my behalf and I’m still waiting for a decision to this day.
I have been staying in a couple of temporary accommodations. The room is very small: it is extremely tight and narrow, and so even getting out of bed is always very difficult.
But because of what happened, I experienced debilitating anxiety and dread every time I would have to read correspondence from officials regarding my appeal.
It got to a point where my GP advised me to not open Home Office letters by myself and that all correspondence should be directed to my lawyer, which has helped.
It has now been several years since I first claimed asylum and the process has been marred with uncertainty and delays. In some ways, it’s its own form of torture.
I cannot live my life to the fullest because I am fighting every day to secure my future. The asylum system has permanently affected my life, wellbeing, and health in the worst possible ways.
The cruelty of it leaves scars that take years to heal and opens up old ones too.
I want the Home Office to know that it is causing misery for so many people seeking asylum and that it is actively making us ill, or worsening struggles we are already facing.
It’s important for other people seeking asylum to know that they do not deserve the dehumanising conditions and treatment they receive. I am still fighting and I will not give up.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk.
Share your views in the comments below.