I have to use a ‘penetration buffer’ with my boyfriend during sex

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Anna*, a 26-year-old bisexual woman from the south east, working in media and communications.

She has sex one to two times a week with her boyfriend of four-and-a-half years, but struggles to be intimate due to her severe endometriosis, which she was diagnosed in 2023.

‘I find sex difficult to manage at times and I’d be lying if I said my condition hasn’t come between mine and my partner’s intimacy,’ Anna explains.

‘It was actually when we first started seeing each other that I noticed pain during and after sex,’ she adds.

‘He was so supportive and understanding right from the get-go, and that’s when I realised I loved him.  

‘Luckily, he’s amazing and lets me take the lead on our intimate times — he’d never put me through any more pain just for the sake of his pleasure.’

That doesn’t mean they don’t still excite each other, with Anna’s boyfriend knowing exactly how to ‘drive her crazy’ and get her to orgasm.

So without further ado, here’s how Anna got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Wednesday

I start my new job today. After a lot of built-up nerves and anticipation I make it through the workday without any major endo pain flares and manage to really enjoy myself.

Despite working from home, I don’t see much of my partner, who’s out running errands. Once I finish work, he treats me to a home-cooked meal. Organic steak, broccoli and a baked potato with a light dollop of sour cream is a failsafe to keep my symptoms in check — and we speak about our day over dinner.

There’s some light flirting and gentle touching from across the table, but our affections don’t go any further as I have an early start the next day. I’m heading into London for my first in-office day on the job.

I love that we still flirt because it just reinforces our attraction to one another and keeps us out of the roommate relationship phase.

I head to bed to organise my bag and outfit for the next day, and by the time my partner comes up to bed, I’m already sound asleep.

Thursday

I wake up at the crack of dawn ready to head into London, and my partner sleeps in while I get ready.

I’m about to make my own way to the train station, then my boyfriend offers to walk me there, so we hold hands and enjoy each other’s company before I leave. 

I have back-to-back meetings so don’t get much of a chance to speak to him during the day. Once I clock out, I send him a quick message to let him know that I won’t be home for dinner as I’m heading to a work event in the city.

He totally understands my busy work schedule as I’ve just started my new job. By the time I get home, it’s time for us both to get ready for bed, and we spoon for a few minutes before falling asleep.

Friday

It’s my last day of the work week, and I treat myself to a lie-in as I’m working from home. My boyfriend and I engage in some lazy cuddles and kissing, and we both vow to finish where we started once we’re both back from work.

I start my workday with a lemon and ginger tea and a hot water bottle, as I start to feel a few niggly cramps in my lower abdomen. The hot water bottle eases the cramping and bloating just enough for me to make it through my desk job, and not put me off our pending intimacy plans.

When he returns from work, I meet him at the door wearing my silk robe, and suggest he follows me upstairs. He agrees and we begin kissing each other in our room until we fall on the bed.

He starts to kiss down my neck and chest (paying special attention to each of my breasts) and goes down on me. Although I gladly could have let him carry on until I reached a climax, it had been a few days since we last had sex due to my work schedule and my endometriosis, so I tell him I want him inside me instead.

He puts on a condom and we start in missionary. I really struggle with deep penetration due to the pain it can cause because of my endo, so I soon have to ask him to stop. I still want to carry on, so I suggest we use our trusty penetration buffer, called the Ohnut.

It’s a set of soft stackable penis rings that can be placed round the base of the penis to prevent your partner from pushing in too deep. Sometimes one ring is enough, or you may want to stack three or four on top of each other to make penetration even more shallow.

We’re able to carry on having sex until I climax, and we flip over in doggystyle until he finishes, while still controlling the depth using the buffer.

Saturday

After such a long first week at work, we both enjoy our day off with some lazy cuddles and foreplay in bed. This time, I’m the big spoon, and I kiss my boyfriend’s neck and reach around for his now-throbbing erection.

After a few strokes, he flips on top and starts pulling down my pyjamas and underwear and goes down on me.

My orgasm creeps up on me faster than anticipated, but the contractions feel like shockwaves electrocuting me — yes, endometriosis even manages to make a climax feel painful at times!

I roll myself into a ball and wait for the pain to pass, my boyfriend immediately resumes cuddles to soothe my flare-up.

The sexual tension in the room immediately comes crashing down, leaving only care and kindness from my boyfriend in its wake. He’s never made me feel guilty for having to cut our steamy sessions short.

He does struggle to initiate sex at times for fear of hurting me, but I’ve always made it clear when I’m in pain and not wanting to engage in foreplay. Sometimes, a painful orgasm or painful penetration is hard to see coming, so we can only deal with that in the moment.

If anything it’s me who gets more frustrated because I feel like I should just be able to have sex like everybody else.

Sunday

I’m feeling better today, so we make the most of it and spend the day seeing our friends.

We go to a local pub for a roast dinner and a catch up — although I stick to soft drinks as alcohol sends me into a full-blown endo-flare.

We’re so tired that, by the time we get home in the evening, all we want to do is watch some Netflix and go to bed.

Monday

We both wake up early to take on a new day at work, but manage to eat breakfast together and discuss this week’s plans before my boyfriend heads out the door.

I work from home today, and prep our dinner whilst on our lunchbreak so that’s one less chore we have to do after work.

We eat dinner together later that evening and talk about how our days went. After we’re both pretty tired, and our idea of intimacy consists of cuddling on the sofa whilst watching TV and reading our books in bed.

Tuesday

I’m working from home again today, as is my boyfriend, but he has an early finish, so decides to run some errands.

He returns back just before I finish, and his sister pops by to visit. We spend time catching up in the evening around the fireplace before he drops her home.

I decide to come along for the drive and notice there’s a last-minute space in yoga at my local gym.

I take the plunge and attend the class, a relaxing, restorative practice which quells any anxieties and pelvic pain I had throughout the day.

I meet my boyfriend back home, and we cook dinner together before I practically float up to bed, completely rejuvenated from my yoga practice.

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