Boys as young as 10 have been calling their mums derogatory names like ‘b***h’, according to therapists in the UK.
Jenny Warwick, a counsellor who works with parents of adolescents, tells Metro that she is used to teenagers hurling gendered insults at their mums, but the rising trend of primary school-aged children behaving this way is especially ‘concerning’.
Her comments come as the results of a survey by the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), shared exclusively with Metro, revealed that two in five therapists (41%) who work with children have seen a noticeable rise in the influence of toxic masculinity on boys.
The findings, from almost 3,000 accredited therapists, suggest that online platforms and social media influencers are largely driving this, and Jenny notes that there’s a ‘growing unease’ among her clients about the content kids are being exposed to, and the impact it’s having.
‘Parents are noticing boys repeating degrading or dismissive language, which seems to be marked towards their mothers,’ Jenny, a BACP member, says.
‘[Mums] find this puzzling as they feel they have a real sense of bringing up their sons to be respectful and sensitive.’
At what age does this behaviour usually start?
In Jenny’s experience, it’s typically upon entering Year 6 that this sort of behaviour starts to show, when boys are around the age of 10.
However, fellow BACP-registered child therapist, Kemi Omijeh, claims boys as young as six can be impacted by toxic masculinity, and online posts from ‘boken’ mums have revealed children as young as two have been using the word ‘b***h’.
In one post shared anonymously on a Reddit parenting forum, a mother reveals that her youngsters have started using ‘verbally abusive language’ towards her.
She says her children are aged six, three and two, and they all call her a ‘b***h nearly every day’.
Another similarly shocking post sees a single mother reveal her four-year-old keeps calling her a ‘dumb f**k’ and a ‘b***h’ whenever he is ‘at his limit with anger’.
These experiences do seem rarer, though, with most posts on Reddit and Mumsnet featuring children aged between 10 and 13.
This is also the age many teachers are currently struggling with, as Claire*, a secondary school teacher from Birmingham, shares.
At her school, negative attitudes towards female teachers have been seen in boys as young as 11, but Claire notices it most in boys in Year 8 and 9, who are aged 12 to 14.
‘Unfortunately, misogyny is not uncommon in teenage boys at the moment; we have recognised as a school that this is an issue to be addressed,’ she tells Metro.
‘I’ve been called a b***h, been told to calm down and asked why I’m making such a “big deal” out of things by male students.
‘I’ve had boys in Year 9 give me dirty looks and outright ignore my instructions, telling their friends “she’s crazy”, and they’ve done the same to female colleagues, so much so that we have refused to teach these boys in our lessons.’
It’s a problem that Claire claims is ‘definitely getting worse’, and it’s taking a real toll on female teachers.
‘The complete disrespect some boys feel comfortable showing is shocking.
‘In our school, we’ve got programmes in place working with small groups of boys, but it is wearing being a female teacher and being looked down on and spoken down to by young boys.
‘It feels like a battle you’re fighting on too many fronts at the moment.’
Although it’s difficult to pinpoint exactly what’s causing the poor behaviour, Claire believes that social media is largely to blame.
‘When you go on social media and see some of the hateful things being said about women, it’s certainly got to have a big impact on making boys feel like these attitudes are acceptable to display publicly.
‘I think this is the biggest thing social media has to answer for.’
And Jenny agrees, revealing that many young people are now being referred to therapy by schools, and that one of the most common reasons is ‘online activity and exposure to extreme or polarising themes’.
She explains: ‘Parents are also seeking therapy for their child as they notice increased tension and sometimes hostility when they try to set boundaries around online activity or language. These issues are often a symptom of deeper worries where parents fear that their child is slipping into an online world they can’t influence or understand.’
But it’s not just platforms like TikTok and Instagram that parents should be thinking about, as Jenny claims a lot of the derogatory language being used by young boys develops on gaming platforms and in group chats.
However, she adds that it isn’t always directly sought out by children. In some cases, it crops up in unexpected places such as YouTube Shorts.
Many of her clients have expressed feelings of ‘guilt’ in regards to this, wondering if they’d been too trusting of online spaces and whether stricter boundaries would have helped, but Jenny points out that it’s very difficult to keep up with, as often by the time a parent becomes aware of a trend, kids have already moved on to the next.
What signs should parents look out for if they think their child is being impacted by toxic masculinity?
Kemi claims that examples of toxic masculinity most commonly show up in young people in their comments, thoughts, and the feelings they express.
‘They often quote influences and/or toxic masculinity ideology without necessarily seeing it as toxic masculinity,’ she explained.
She urges parents to look out for changes in their mood, such as mood swings, an increase in anger and low mood, and also pay attention to the language their child is using to describe themselves and their emotions. Are they using ‘alpha male’ language?
Jenny agrees that language is incredibly important here, especially if ‘vile behaviour’ is being dismissed by your child or normalised as ‘banter’.
‘You might notice some subtle shifts in language that don’t sound like your child. When you gently ask about this or question it, it’s dismissed as “just joking” or “banter”. These changes usually happen gradually, with a change in attitude and tone happening over time.
‘If you feel uncomfortable with something your child has said, or it just feels “off”, pay attention to this feeling because it’s your instinct letting you know that something is not quite right.’
*Name has been changed to protect privacy.
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