They say money can’t buy happiness, and that’s certainly the case for this week’s reader.
When she met her older husband, she admits her ‘head was turned’ by his lavish lifestyle.
But now, she’s starting to get the ick, and the sex isn’t great either.
She’s unstimulated, unsatisfied, and ready to bolt — but how can she leave the relationship without causing too much upset?
Read the advice below, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a love sick reader who caught his girlfriend cheating on him with the last person he ever suspected.
The problem…
Just over five years ago I married a much older guy, who I thought I was in love with at the time. In hindsight, I was just desperate to leave home because I’ve never had a good relationship with my parents.
He’s a very successful businessman who at the time lived alone in a huge house and drove not one, but three fantastic cars.
He’s been married before and has two children not much younger than me, but they live in France with his ex-wife and he seldom sees them.
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I don’t mean to sound shallow but I think my head was turned by the fancy house and the fast cars. On our third date he hired a plane and took me to dinner in Le Touquet, so it was hard not to be impressed!
Sex has never been great and he has a pretty unattractive dad-bod, so I’m not exactly turned on when I see him in the nude. Still, I’ve always gone along with it and he has spoiled me so much that most of the time, I felt I was living the dream.
Our wedding (which he paid for) was absolutely fantastic – I hate to think how much it cost.
Despite all this, my friends have never thought he was right for me and I must admit, I dread the thought of him getting older and being even less attractive than he is now. They all joke about me being his carer in a few years and I’ll be honest, the thought is pretty chilling.
I’m always getting chatted up by guys of my own age, and although I haven’t cheated, it’s so tempting to get with someone young and fit.
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The advice…
I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but you make yourself sound so shallow and heartless, I’m finding it fairly difficult.
You don’t know how to leave your husband without hurting him? If he knew what you really thought he’d probably want to end things anyway, and quite right too.
You don’t go into detail about your poor relationship with your parents and maybe you’re masking a lot of pain and sadness from the past; perhaps you would benefit from some therapy to deal with those issues.
But even if your unhappy upbringing contributed to your decision, it’s clear that you went into this marriage for the wrong reasons. I think you probably kidded yourself (and your poor husband) that you were in love at the time.
Should our reader leave her husband, or stick it out?
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She needs to leave, she's clearly already checked out.
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Stay. It's not his fault he's get older.
I’ve reluctantly realised I have to leave my husband but don’t know how to do it without hurting him.
I think you need to do the decent thing. Tell him the marriage isn’t working but it’s your fault, not his. He deserves the chance to meet a woman who won’t use him for material gain, and will respect the many good qualities he undoubtedly has.
See a divorce lawyer about what you’re entitled to, but don’t expect to walk away with 50% of everything he owns. You generally need to have been married a significant amount of time for that.
A variety of factors, including the length of marriage, will influence the outcome – but I urge you to treat him fairly. He seems to have treated you very well.
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