I thought my boyfriend was ‘perfect’ — one message changed everything

Kaili was having the time of her life the night she first met John*. 

After emerging from a difficult break-up, the 30-year-old was leaving behind her troubles and dancing up a storm in country bars with her best friend, when a ‘cute’ man caught her eye.

Confident and tipsy, Kaili walked straight up to him and introduced herself.

‘He was texting, so I took his phone out of his hand and said, “I don’t know who you’re texting, but it should be me.” 

‘Then I put my number in his phone and told him where we were going next.’

Around 20 minutes later, John walked through the door of the next bar and Kaili recalls him being ‘charming’ and ‘protective’.

‘He made sure no creepy guys came near us. He was funny, easy-going, and he paid attention to my friend too, just enough to make her feel included,’ she says.

The next day, John invited her to brunch and the pair had what she thought was a ‘perfect’ date. 

He opened up about his personal life, explaining he lived in North Dakota, USA, had been married and had a daughter.

John claimed his wife had cheated on him and the pair were now in the midst of a custody dispute, but claimed he no longer had anything else to do with his ex.

‘He said he’d cut it off and moved on.’

His willingness to open up impressed Kaili, and the pair embarked on a whirlwind romance, with John making the four hour drive from North Dakota to her home in Minneapolis every weekend. 

‘He was the perfect boyfriend when he was around,’ Kaili, a writer and founder of Reveal Studio Co, claims. 

‘He planned dates, told me I was smart, capable and beautiful. He cooked, cleaned, filled my car with petrol. I couldn’t even open a door around him.’

And the green flags kept on coming – he shared his phone password with her, claiming he never wanted trust to be an issue, her friends adored him and he also invited her to meet his parents. 

Soon they were talking babies and ‘dream homes’ and Kaili was spending time with his daughter.

However, it was during a visit to his home that things slowly started to unravel.

John disappeared for two hours without so much as a call or text and when he finally came back, he was ‘agitated’.

Unable to sleep because of the tension, Kaili decided to do some digging, to figure out what was going on.

Earlier that day, he’d shown her a stack of envelopes which he told her were court papers for his custody case, however they weren’t anywhere to be found.

‘I couldn’t find them, so I took his phone. He’d given me the password and that’s when I saw it.’

There were dozens of messages between John and his ex, who it quickly became clear was still very much his wife.

They weren’t separated, she was simply away with work each weekend and believed John was staying with his parents while she travelled. 

‘She had no idea I existed,’ Kaili said.

Furious, Kaili threw the phone at John before walking out.

Three days later, she received a Facebook message from his wife that changed everything.

‘I told her to call me. [When I answered] I could hear him in the background, screaming, punching walls, shouting that I was lying.’

Kaili and the other woman talked and they soon discovered the horrific truth – all of the gifts John had given her were things his wife had ordered that he’d stolen.

The court case was also pure fiction and it turned out he’d been seeing at least three other women in addition to Kaili.

Looking back now, Kaili admits there were signs that John was too good to be true, but she just didn’t see them at the time.

‘You start to realise things clicked into place – the gifts, the stories, the too-perfect manners. It was all part of the act.’

Her advice now is simple: ‘If you’re ever at a bar in Minneapolis and you meet a man called John with a perfect smile, run.’

*Names and some details have been changed.

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