I’ve stayed in 100 five-star hotels — this is what they always get wrong

As a full-time travel writer, I’ve been lucky enough to stay in some incredible places. You name it, I’ve been there, from cosy homestays to too many hostels to count and well over 100 five-star hotels.

Standouts include an eco-lodge in Jardín, Colombia; a celebrity-frequented medical spa in Austria; a beachside sanctuary in Costa Rica and a boutique hotel in Sri Lanka that is in itself an architectural marvel.

While the buzz of life on the road never really wears off, it does, inevitably, sharpen one’s critical eye. It becomes easy to spot where even the most lauded hotels fall short.

Some shortcomings are minor; others are glaringly out of step with what the property claims to be.

So, having stayed in over one hundred five-star hotels, this is what I see them get wrong time and again.

Internet that you have to sign into every day

Clunky Wi-Fi passwords and convoluted security steps are annoying enough, but the real patience-tester is a hotel that insists on a daily login just to get online.

A single sign-in at the start of a stay is perfectly fair, but having to reconnect across multiple devices every single day is a nuisance, especially if you have to work while you’re there.

Not enough water

A hallmark of five-star service is arriving to the room to find plenty of drinking water ready stocked for your stay.

The majority of five-star hotels are very good at this, bringing more at turn down service and replenishing everyday based on guest needs.

However, I’ve been surprised to find that many high-end brands still offer only a couple of complementary water bottles per day. What’s even worse, is when it’s served in plastic bottles.

There really is no excuse these days to still be serving water in plastic.

Lights you can’t find the switches for

Why are there so many light switches in hotel rooms?

The real challenge begins right as it’s time to fall asleep, reaching for a switch, only to realise none of them seem to control that one stubborn light that refuses to turn off.

Cue a mildly frantic search around the room, pressing every button in sight, all for a glow that somehow persists.

The best hotels keep things simple with easy-to-reach controls, and not so many of them that it becomes overwhelming.

Uncontrollable AC

The worst of the worst is when bedrooms are fitted with old, outdated air conditioning units that rattle through the night, or AC that you just can’t adjust to the right temperature.

I recently stayed in a new hotel in Colombo that was many years in the making, but the AC was wildly cold. Even if I turned the temperature up to the highest setting it continued to feel like I was inside an ice box.

Even worse, when I turned it off the bedroom quickly filled with condensation and became oppressively hot – there was no middle ground, and as a result my stay was uncomfortable.

Bedsheets tucked too tightly

There’s nothing like returning to a freshly made bed after a day of sightseeing, but often in high-end hotels, the beds are made too tightly.

Of course it looks pristine, but it’s not worth the wrestle with the sheets.

I’ve noticed that many five-stars love to tuck the sheets and quilts right under the mattress, too, making it near impossible to pull them free.

Long check-ins

After a long journey, the last thing I want to do is to sit in reception, drinking an overly sweet welcome drink and fill in a lengthy form or have an introduction to the hotel.

Check-ins should be fast and streamlined, allowing guests to freshen up, sleep or do their own thing from the get-go.

Bad coffee and Nespresso machines

I don’t see the appeal of Nespresso machines. Not only are they terrible for the environment, with their single use plastic pods, the coffee they
produce tastes awful.

Some of my favourite five-star hotels provide a glass jar of freshly ground coffee and a small French-press, it’s simple, effective, eco-conscious
and provides the best tasting brews.

QR-code menus

The over-digitalisation of hotels is a serious problem. I want to switch off from technology, not feel a prisoner to it.

The worst is when you amble down to breakfast, or head to the pool bar and have to pull your phone out to scan a QR code to access the menu.

It’s distracting, especially when travelling with a companion, and
in my opinion, completely unnecessary.