Every cell in my body was screaming at me to lower myself onto my boyfriend, Alex’s, dick.
We were naked in bed, breathing heavily as we tried our hardest not to have sex.
It was delicious torture.
I was on top, with both hands gripping onto the headboard for dear life.
If Alex or I moved an inch in either direction, it would have been game over – or game on, depending on how you looked at it.
It was quite possibly the best non-penetrative sex I’d ever had.
I’m a stubborn woman but as his hands squeezed my hips, I was hit by an intense feeling of want and need.
His clear desire for my body made me feel incredibly sexy. It made resistance even harder.
As I looked down at his beautiful shape beneath mine, I nearly gave in – but sex was definitely not allowed that night.
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So, despite my body telling me not to, I rolled off and let out a frustrated sigh.
In lieu of penetration, we settled for mutual masturbation and climax – loudly, on my part.
This happened last month. I had recently undergone a procedure following a not-so-great smear test.
In order to allow me to properly heal, doctors said I should not take baths, exercise or have penetrative sex for four weeks.
In the grand scheme of things, a month without sex is no big deal – especially in exchange for having a happy and healthy cervix – so I wasn’t exactly fussed about the medical instruction to abstain.
That being said, I had a feeling it was going to be a long one.
Surprisingly, I soon realised that there was a positive benefit I hadn’t anticipated – intimacy that was off the charts.
Once the first week and initial fear about my health had passed, I noticed how my body began to respond to Alex’s every touch – even little things, like him kissing my back as we cuddled or running his hands down my back.
Everything else is that much sweeter when you can’t have what you’re really craving.
This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed how abstaining from penetrative sex can boost my experience in the bedroom.
A few years back, having dated one too many arseholes, I decided to give up sex for 90 days, as a way to reset and focus on other parts of my life.
Given I was single at the time with no tempting dicks to ride, the first month went by fairly unnoticed.
I may be a sexual gal, but I’m not perpetually horny. There is actually more to life than getting laid.
By the second month, though, I started observing men in my vicinity more. I caught myself smiling at hot strangers and felt a jolt of excitement when they smiled back.
During the home stretch, I met a lovely guy who was a fantastic kisser. I’ve never liked to break a promise to myself, so I stuck to my guns and we didn’t have sex, we just made out – for hours.
Once again, teasing myself into oblivion actually worked in my favour because it made our time together more intense.
Another memory that sticks out is my week-long fling with Rowan*.
I was studying abroad and sharing an eight-bed at a hostel at the time, while looking for a permanent place to rent.
Rowan just so happened to occupy one of these beds – but given the sheer volume of people sleeping in our room, we couldn’t exactly get naked.
We threw longing glances, shared kisses on nights out and stole moments together whenever we could.
When the stars finally aligned and we could have sex in private, it was incredible – specifically because we had been forced to wait.
Three days of unintended foreplay had put my body on edge in the best possible way.
When the four weeks were up, Alex and I tried to have sex again, but I found it painful. My doctors told me that I should extend the waiting period by another two weeks.
I wasn’t upset – but I was so incredibly horny. And looking forward to the inevitable teasing.
Last weekend, on Valentine’s Day of all days – though it wasn’t intended – I was healed, and the deadline was finally over.
Not to brag, I’ve had a lot of sex, so my standards are pretty high for what constitutes a good shag.
My reunion with Alex’s penis was nothing short of explosive.
It wasn’t actually about the penetration – what made this moment special was the longing I felt for our bodies to connect in this way.
We didn’t have acrobatic sex; far from it, round one started in missionary. But there was nothing boring about it.
Sometimes, slowing things down or taking penetration off the table – or rather, out of the bedroom – can highlight other fantastic parts of your sex life and body.
It can strengthen your bond with a partner and make you appreciate them more.
Also, it goes without saying that not everyone enjoys penetration in the first place – everyone approaches sex differently. Each to their own.
That Valentine’s Day, Alex finished me off first and I was so spent that I couldn’t think or breathe properly for a full 15 minutes aftwards.
He got his own during round two.
We have always enjoyed a bit of ‘stop and start’ sex with breaks in between but we probably shagged five times in the space of 24 hours.
It was worth the wait.
*Names have been changed
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