When Taylor Swift announced her engagement to Travis Kelce, the fandom was delighted.
Swifties took to TikTok to share their reactions, sobbing happy tears, jumping for joy (or falling to the floor).
‘I’m so parasocial OH MY GOD,’ reads a caption on one of the thousands of clips posted to the social media site.
A parasocial relationship refers to when someone feels like they know — and potentially has some kind of relationship with — someone they’ve never met or spoken to. Typically, it’s used to describe how some people feel towards celebrities.
T Swift’s engagement is just one of the examples cited by Cambridge Dictionary, which naming ‘parasocial’ as their Word of the Year.
Others included the response to Lily Allen’s breakup album, West End Girl, as well as the emergence of people treating AI like a therapist, friend or romantic partner.
And, Metro has previously analysed the parasocial relationship felt towardsPrince Harry and Meghan Markle, in particular, how angry and upset some can feel about their choice to break away from Royal life.
It could also be argued that fans relationships to their sports teams could be considered parasocial.
The terms ‘parasocial interactions’ and ‘parasocial relationships’ were actually first coined by anthropologist Donald Horton and sociologist R. Richard Wohl in 1956.
Thanks to social media however, it’s now not just traditional media personas that might be the object of these feelings from fans. Bloggers and influencers often tell us details about their lives and speak to their audience on a more personal level.
This means we have that feeling as if we’re being spoken to one-to-one, and can boost feelings of closeness to the person we’re watching.
Chief editor at Cambridge Dictionary, Colin McIntosh, said: ‘It’s only fairly recently that it’s made a shift into popular language and it’s one of those words that have been influenced by social media.’
Different types of parasocial relationships — and why they can be concerning
Academics Giles and Maltby (2006) defined three different levels of parasocial relationships. The first is entertain/social, which is the way that most people engage in a parasocial relationship at one point or another.
At this first stage, you’re entertained by the media persona, but don’t engage with them more than idle chit-chat and gossip among real-life friends and acquaintances.
The second stage is intense/personal, which is more common among young teens. The person feels a strong affinity with their chosen celebrity and take an interest in their personal life and tastes.
You could probably most closely link this behaviour with ‘stan culture’, in how people become somewhat obsessive over a celebrity and show loyalty to them.
The third stage is borderline pathological, which is when things really ramp up.
Behaviour such as stalking or fantasies that the celebrity reciprocates their feelings (or would if they were given the chance to meet) become more common.
While the first stage (and the second, for the most part) aren’t dangerous, it’s important to keep an eye on any concerning behaviour or feelings, and understand that parasocial relationships cannot replace genuine human interaction.
Are you in a parasocial relationship?
Only you can know whether you feel more connected than ‘normal’ to someone you don’t know. Asking yourself questions that define your level of perceived intimacy with a media persona can help you decipher whether it’s bordering on unhealthy behaviour, though.
Answer the following questions with yes or no. If you find that you’re seeing a lot of ‘yes’, perhaps consider stepping back from following the celebrity on social media or contacting a therapist to work through your feelings.
- Do you regularly check a media personality’s social media profiles?
- Do you feel like you and this celebrity are ‘soulmates’?
- Do you feel like you can trust this celebrity?
- Do you ever feel like you ‘know’ them?
- Do you send messages to the person you’re a fan of?
- Do you spend a lot of money on merchandise or products they recommend?
- Do you spend a significant part on your media viewing time on this person’s pages or in communities related to them?
- Do you feel like if you met your feelings may be reciprocated?
- Have you tried to meet them to make this happen?
- Would you say you ‘worship’ them?
- Have you found that your feelings for them are stronger than what you feel for people you know in real life?
- Have you changed aspects of your lifestyle to mirror theirs?
- Do you ever feel as if they’re talking directly to you?
- Have you neglected real-life relationships in favour of being a ‘fan’ of this person?
We’ve all found ourselves swooning over a movie star, it’s when it becomes something that affects your real life and sees you engaging in risky behaviour that it’s a problem.
You may feel like you know your favourite YouTuber or band, but they’re just people like us, and you can never truly know them through your phone screen. Keep that in mind, and focus on friendships with people you’ve actually met.
A version of this article was published in January 2021. It has since been updated.
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