The one way to know if your best friend secretly hates your partner

Introducing your new partner to your nearest and dearest can be extremely anxiety-inducing.

You worry your boo will say the wrong thing or that the chemistry will be off.

You start spiralling in your head that pub trips will become less frequent or that you’ll need to spend hours explaining to your best friend that the inappropriate comment your partner made after their third Guinness was only a joke.

But then, everything goes… well? Laughs are shared, connections are made, and all of a sudden your life turns into a movie montage.

The problem is, just because your bestie gave off the impression they’re delighted with this new addition to the group chat, it might all be an act.

Historically, one of the most obvious signs your friend isn’t a fan of your partner is if they come across as distant and uninterested.

In social settings they’ll find ways to avoid them, and even when it’s just the two of you alone, they’ll go out of their way to pretend as though this mysterious significant other is totally nonexistent.

Just because they’re getting the message across though, doesn’t mean it’s not painful and uncomfortable for everyone involved.

According to Stefan Walter however, a psychotherapist at Harley Therapy in London, if your BFF hates your BF, they may make it seem like it’s the exact opposite.

If they’re being too nice, they’re being fake

‘While being distant and uninterested can be a clear sign that your friend doesn’t like your partner, masking and performance can be even more of a red flag,’ Stefan tells Metro. ‘If they seem overly enthusiastic or cloying, this may be a sign that they are over-compensating and not being authentic.’

Have you ever been out with your friend and partner and noticed your mate asking one too many questions, or perhaps showering your significant other with so many compliments it comes across as forced?

If the answer is yes, you might need to rethink some things.

‘It’s a very performative method,’ Stefan explains

‘I think it’s just overcompensating for not wanting to be there at all. They know that it wouldn’t be socially acceptable to blank this person, so they sort of do the opposite – try and put on a performance and mask.

‘And it gets to such an extreme point where it becomes obvious it’s not genuine.’

It’s giving Regina George loudly telling a classmate how much she loves her skirt, then calling it ‘the ugliest effing’ thing she’d ever seen out of earshot.

Stefan goes on to share that when behaviours like these escalate — oftentimes prompted by feelings of possession on the part of the best friend — it can spiral into things like social groups starting to split off as tension builds.

So while it might sound like it’d be less awkward or uncomfortable for your friend to overcompensate and ‘perform’ niceties in front of your partner, witnessing someone so close be overtly fake right in front of your face is not a pretty sight.

There is common ground here: you

Social media is awash with posts exploring this specific issue; from friends who don’t know how to keep masking their true emotions to people struggling to come to terms with the idea their mate might despise their significant other.

But Stefan is of the opinion that issues like these can be rectified, with the right approach.

‘The thing to remember is that there is a common ground between the friend and the romantic partner, which is you,’ he says.

‘Both parties feel strongly about what’s best for you. Your friend might be coming from a place where they sense that the new person’s coming in and they’re taking you away, which naturally can be hard to process.

‘So this can prompt some possessive actions,but once they move past this and are able to see that the romantic relationship might be a healthy one, I think things can improve.’

If you’re planning to approach your friend, Stefan emphasises that the more open you are the better.

However, he also notes that it’s best to not go into the conversation expecting your pal to apologise for being performative.

‘I don’t think that sense of owing anyone an apology is ever helpful,’ he adds.

‘Focus on explaining how their actions have impacted you – just be open, talk about how it feels, that you want them to be happy for you, all that sort of stuff.

‘You don’t want to further deepen any kind of divide.’

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