When it comes to sex, everyone will have their own unique preferences, kinks and fetishes.
And as long as you have consent and aren’t breaking the law, you and your partner are free to do just about anything you desire in the bedroom.
There aren’t really very many strict rules for getting intimate, but there has long been an ‘unwritten rulebook’ of sorts for when you first start seeing someone.
Think back to high school, when your friends were whispering in the corridor about which ‘base’ they reached on their date the previous weekend.
You’ll likely have been fist-pumping the air if they made it to first base and trying not to blush if they went any further.
The base metaphor is very American, but it’s become a type of universal language that many people still use well into their adult dating lives.
However, it seems that the meaning prescribed to each base is changing as the younger generations are rewriting the rulebook.
For instance, first base has always been kissing, but it nowadays Gen Z use the term to describe the much less PG act of oral sex.
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And giving or receiving oral on a first date is becoming much more common, if posts on social media are anything to go by.
On Reddit, a recent post by u/YakLady asked if ‘blowjobs on a first date are a thing now’.
They explained: ‘Long story short I have a friend who’s recently divorced. She’s testing the waters in the dating scene after a long time of being out of it. One of the things that surprised her is how common blowjobs are in dating now and are considered ok on a first date.
‘Is this a reasonable expectation for guys now, especially younger ones? Has the culture around blowjobs shifted that much?’
In response u/incognitocone said: ‘I’m 24 and I can tell you it’s become completely normalised.’
They went on to claim that guys seem to ‘believe blowjobs these days don’t mean anything and are easy’ and that ‘it’s completely normal to expect or try to get’ one.
Others thought it was dependent on the person you were dating as ‘some people are totally fine with sexual stuff on the first date’.
On TikTok, Laura, who posts as @laura.lmkk shared that it was now considered ‘normal’ for Gen Z to be sexually intimate on a first date, saying: ‘Our generation thinks it’s weird to bring flowers on the first date, but getting intimate on the first date is normal’.
And @mfunknownuser shared the same sentiment in a clip on the app, posting: ‘Our generation thinks it’s normal to have sex on the first date but not bring flowers? Oh… alright bet.’
According to Annabelle Knight, a sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney, it’s not surprising that the definitions of bases are changing or that Gen Z are more sexually active on a first date, as their attitude towards sex is very different from Millennials, Gen X and beyond.
‘Many young people today tend to have a much more open, nuanced view of sex and pleasure – oral sex, for instance, is arguably seen as less intimate than it once was, and that’s partly down to the influence of pop culture, porn, and how we discuss sex more freely online,’ she explains.
‘Traditionally, “first base” was kissing, “second” was touching above the waist, and so on, but younger generations don’t always play by that rulebook anymore.
‘These days, sex and intimacy aren’t linear – there’s less emphasis on ticking off the bases in order, and much more focus on what feels right in the moment.’
As such, Annabelle doesn’t think we need to worry too much about concepts like basis, and says instead we should be focusing on consent, comfort and communicaiton.
She adds: ‘Whether you call something first base or not, the focus should always be on making sure both partners are on the same page, feel respected, and are enjoying the experience. That’s the real goal – not scoring a home run but building trust and connecting.’
Sex and relationships psychotherapist, Gigi Engle, has gone one step further and thinks it’s time to scrap the ‘outdated’ base metaphor altogether.
Gigi, who is also the resident sex expert for dating app 3Fun, tells Metro: ‘With Gen Z particularly, the concepts of bases are shifting because they’re having more sex-positive discussions, so oral sex and that sort of thing is less morally and socially stigmatised than they used to be.
‘This is likely why we’re seeing a move away from what our traditional definition of the bases are, to things like oral now being seen as first base, but I think it’s important to note that the whole concept is really outdated as it places sex on a hierarcy, with P-in-V as the most intense.
‘Instead of ranking sex acts in this way, we need to be looking at it as more than a non-hierarchical structure, where all forms of sexual intimacy are considered equal and given the same respect that any other would be.’
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