We talk a lot about poor wedding guest etiquette: wearing a white dress, not RSVPing on time, or using your phone during the ceremony.
But it seems the tables have turned, and it’s newlyweds being criticised for their controversial behaviour instead.
On X, @walterwhitepill shared how their friends held a ‘plate auction’ at their reception to raise cash for their honeymoon, with the winning guest paying $1,500 (£1,113) for the privilege of being served their meal before anyone else.
Although there were some who saw the funny side, the backlash was intense, with @d3vo42 writing: ‘Sucks that weddings for some are just a money grab. Selling a plate of banquet food, that has already been paid for, at your wedding to your close friends and family, is shameful behaviour.’
‘I would have walked out,’ said @ahoy_there_, while @XRPamici added: ‘This is absurd and manipulative… Imagine how those who couldn’t afford to join in the auction felt. I’m stunned how inappropriate this is.’
It’s not the only way brides and grooms are trying to recoup costs either.
One couple implemented a ‘pay to play’ system on their big day, asking attendees for donations between $25 to $100 (£19 to £74) per song request. Another sent ‘you will be missed’ cards to those who couldn’t attend their wedding, with a note at the end directing them towards the gift registry.
Some have started charging for invites too — in some cases even selling ‘tickets’ to strangers for €150 (£130) a head.
Weddings put everyone out of pocket
Given the average wedding now comes in at £23,250, Zoe Burke, editor of Hitched.co.uk tells Metro it’s ‘understandable that couples are looking for creative ways to manage their budgets’, but highlights the need to ‘strike the right balance between making the day unique and ensuring guests feel welcome and valued.’
She explains: ‘While some guests might find these approaches fun and light-hearted, others could feel uncomfortable about being asked to pay to participate in the celebration – especially when they have probably already paid quite a bit to be able to attend the wedding itself.’
From gifts to accommodation and clothing, Experian research reveals each person spends £451 – 19% of the average UK monthly salary – on going to a wedding. That’s no small sum, and considering how tight things are for many right now, it’s important to keep in mind.
‘It reeks of desperation’
Laura Windsor, dubbed the UK’s Queen of Etiquette, certainly isn’t a fan of plate auctions or fees, arguing that such methods ‘take the elegance away from the traditional concept of weddings’ as a celebration of commitment.
‘A wedding is a special occasion, often a major event for most families, where guests should not feel like financial contributors for the couple’s day by taking part in tacky activities,’ she tells Metro.
‘The point here is not that guests are being asked to contribute to the costs; it’s the way that it is being done. Pulling these stunts makes the wedding look like a circus act; it can reek of desperation.’
In her opinion, they could even put guests off attending altogether. But that’s a risk you need to be willing to take if you do go down that route, as surprising people with requests for money once they arrive is equally problematic.
According to Rupert Wesson, director at Debrett’s, ‘anything as overt as touting for cash with bids for privileged access or upgraded packages’ can create divisions among guests, and ‘runs the risk of setting the wrong tone as the gradually wedding morphs into something that feels more like a package holiday with upgrades.’
What’s the alternative?
Laura recommends cash gift registries as a ‘the most delicate and elegant’ way to have guests contribute to wedding costs, while Zoe notes that honeymoon funds are becoming increasingly popular.
Sometimes though, it’s less about how to make back your outlays and more about scaling them back in the first place — which means marrying up your ‘dream’ day with what you can realistically afford.
Zoe says there’s been a rise in intimate weddings recently, ‘with smaller guest lists allowing couples to celebrate in a more budget-friendly and meaningful way.’
‘Often, the tried and tested budget-saving tricks of having a paid bar, cutting back on other costs (like wedding favours, flowers for decor, or wedding cars) and waiting to go on honeymoon may be a better idea,’ etiquette tutor Jo Bryant tells Metro.
Alternatively, you might consider asking loved ones to help out in kind, whether that’s by baking the cake, hosting the event in their garden, growing flowers at their allotment, bringing a dish or helping you create DIY decorations.
‘There is no shame in asking for help on the big day because you are saving for the lifetime together that comes after,’ adds Rupert. ‘But, don’t ask friends to help provide a gold-plated, five star spectacular wedding event just to indulge you and your ego.’
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