We’re trying to have a second baby — sex can last two minutes

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Nicole*, 34, who is bisexual and works in publishing. She’s been married to her husband, Mick*, for five years.

They typically have sex two times a week on average, although they’re currently trying for a second baby, so intimacy is heavily weighted towards Nicole’s fertile window.

The pair are childhood sweethearts, having met when they were 13, and Nicole says their sex is still ‘meaningful, effortless and fun.’

But trying for baby number two hasn’t come without its challenges. Sadly, the couple went through a miscarriage in July, and now, their first child sleeps in their bedroom, which means sex in their bed is almost always off limits.

So, without further ado, here’s how Nicole got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Monday

Our two-year-old, Masie*, wakes me up before the alarm goes off. We live in a two-bedroom flat and work from home most of the time. The spare room is a home office, so Maisie sleeps in our room.

She has a cot bed, but ends up co-sleeping most of the time, so it’s quite normal for me to wake up with a heel in my eye socket. It also means that morning sex has gone out of the window.

We’re very lucky to have parents who cover childcare, full time, and Mick’s parents arrive early in the morning to pick up Maisie.

My last period ended four days ago, so I think there’s a chance that I might be ovulating. This was my first period post-miscarriage and I feel slightly apprehensive about being back to square one trying to track my ovulation again.

Miscarrying hasn’t changed the way Mick and I view sex, we still enjoy it, but initially talking about losing the baby was hard.

I didn’t want to dwell on it, but I did need to chat it through quite a lot, whereas my husband wanted to forget it completely and move on.

Obviously it was hard, but I think it would’ve been even harder if we hadn’t already had Masie. We at least know that it’s unlikely we have any fertility issues, but rather, it was just one of those things.

I take the ovulation test, but the line is still quite faint, so it’ll probably be a few more days before we’re back in full schedule mode to try for a baby.

After we’ve done dinner, bath and bed that evening, my husband and I are reading together and at some point, we start enthusiastically kissing, which leads to him going down on me on the sofa – it’s pretty sensational, even if we do have to work around the cushions threatening to slide off every two minutes…

Tuesday

It’s another work day today, so my mum arrives to pick up Maisie before Mick and I head to a coffee shop together to do some work.

As we both work from home we spend a lot of time together during the week – more than most other couples we know – and I actually treasure being able to sit opposite him with a coffee, headphones on, and get through some work.

Once we’re home, Mick brings up the idea of having afternoon sex, given our daughter is with her nana, but I’ve started a task that I need to get finished, so we decide to wait until later.

Post-work, Mick has booked a fancy meal ahead of my birthday. He tries his first oyster, and it crosses my mind that they’re an aphrodisiac. When we arrive home, Masie is asleep on the sofa next to my mum (she refused to go to bed), so we pop her in her cot.

Even though she’s asleep and we have some time alone, we’re both pretty full and it’s already quite late, so sex isn’t on the cards.

Wednesday

It’s my birthday! Mick and I both have the day off work, so we head out for a birthday breakfast with Maisie and my mum at a local café.

After we’ve finished eating, I ask Maisie whether she’d rather stay with mummy and daddy, who are going to grab coffee and have a wander around the shops, or go to grandma’s house and play (a leading question, some might say…).

She chooses, of course, to stay with grandma, so we head off for a day of pottering, coffee, cake and shopping.

In the afternoon we stop off at home for a bit to freshen up – we’re meeting some friends for pizza in the evening – and while I’m in the house I do another ovulation test. The line is definitely darkening, but it’s not quite there yet.

I consider suggesting a quickie anyway, but ultimately decide to head out again and grab a couple of drinks together before meeting our friends.

It’s a delicate balancing act trying to fit in quality time alone and on this occasion, knowing it’s a bit of a different week with it being my birthday, we prioritise a few hours in the sun outside.

My mum drops Maisie with us just ahead of dinner, and we have a lovely evening with our friends.

Thrown off schedule by an evening out of the house and, hyped on up pizza and chocolate mousse, Maisie doesn’t go to sleep until after 10pm, so we watch The Bear and read a little before heading to bed.

Thursday

Mick is working from the office today, followed by dinner with his colleagues, so he’s out all day.

I take another ovulation test at lunch, and the second line appears quickly, almost as dark as the control line. I take a picture and text my husband: ‘Hope you’re prepped for later.’

‘I’ll be ready,’ he replies.

Our daughter goes to sleep at a relatively normal time tonight, which is absolutely typical as my husband doesn’t arrive home until 11.30pm following his work dinner at which point she, inevitably, wakes up.

Knowing that I’m likely ovulating in the next 24 to 36 hours I rock her back to sleep myself, only for her to wake up again when I go to transfer her back to bed.

We end up letting her fall asleep on the sofa and head to the bedroom (a rarity), but sense that our time is limited as she’s liable to come toddling back through if she stirs.

Sadly there’s no time for foreplay and Mick asks me to get on top for efficiency, as he’ll climax faster that way. The whole thing is over in two minutes.

I don’t have time to orgasm this time around – sex when you’re trying to conceive and trying to negotiate with a toddler’s bedtime can end up feeling a bit perfunctory.

But even so, there’s a certain enjoyment in snatching these moments together, especially given we’re doing it with the aim of trying to grow our family.

Friday

I skip taking the ovulation test today since yesterday’s line was pretty definite, resolving to fit in time for sex at some point regardless.

When you’re trying to conceive it’s easy to get a bit bogged down in testing; I’m trying to just feel it out a bit more to avoid going insane trying to decipher test lines twice a day.

I have a full day of meetings at work today, and as I’m heading out to grab lunch I feel a brief twinge of cramp which I think might be ovulation pain.

Mick texts me early afternoon to ask whether there’s any chance I might arrive home pre-5pm, before his parents drop off our daughter: ‘to make sweet love to me,’ he says.

I tell him we’ll have to wait until later as I have too much on to leave early.

Maisie goes to sleep at an uncharacteristically early 6.45pm, and, knowing this is our best window to get a proper run at it, we have sex almost immediately on the sofa just in case she decides to get up again.

I ask my husband to sneak back into the bedroom to retrieve the vibrator, and he kisses me all over while I use it on myself.

Once I feel suitably warmed up, we ditch the vibrator, and he gets on top and uses his hand in its place. We both climax together and I feel totally relaxed for the rest of the evening.

Saturday

As it so often does with a toddler, the morning vanishes in a haze of books, ballet steps and teddy bears. Maisie takes after her dad and is particularly energetic – sometimes I feel like I should start training just so I can keep up with her as she grows.

In the afternoon we head to my sister-in-law’s birthday party. I’m on the blackcurrant squash, which might rouse suspicions, but I don’t drink much anyway and I think everyone probably already knows that we’re trying to conceive; I was very open about having had a miscarriage earlier this year.

We’d told them we were pregnant at eight weeks as I was so sick, and then obviously told them about the miscarriage once that happened at 12 weeks. So with them it’s more of an assumption that we’ll be trying again, but they haven’t spoken about this at all with me.

We don’t get in until 10.10pm, leading us to have a conversation about whether we’re bad parents with our daughter having had two very late nights this week. (I don’t actually think so – life happens.)

No sex tonight as we’ve been standing up for eight hours straight and I actually don’t think my knees will cope trying to work around the sofa tonight.

Sunday

We have a lie-in (if you can count 8.30am as a lie-in?) after our late night. We have a few errands to run today, and I have to do a few things to finish for work, so we drop Maisie off with my mum for a few hours.

I feel unbelievable lucky that we basically have on-demand childcare; it’s still tough to work around ovulation windows and a toddler who still sleeps in your bed, but it certainly helps.

Before we head to pick her up I changing into my comfies, and when my husband walks in he suggests taking advantage of the final moments of this child-free window.

Finally – comfortable sex in a bedroom without the threat of it being cut short by screams of ‘Mama!’

He starts off by stroking my thighs, very slowly moving north – teasing really turns me on. Since we’re alone (and in a bed) we luxuriate a bit, taking our time, changing positions.

We finish up in doggy style (I always orgasm in this position – something about the deep penetration always works for me) and then lie spooning for a bit.

After this week, when I’m no longer ovulating, sex inevitably gets pushed back down the priorities list, so it’s been nice to have a reason to bump it back up since we’ve been trying to conceive again.

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