We went through IVF at 19 – even doctors judged us

Sitting in a doctor’s office in January 2023, we could barely contain our anticipation.

The time had come – my partner Marli and I were finally ready to begin our IVF journey to parenthood.

But our excitement quickly soured.

Sitting in front of us was our doctor – a man – who seemed incredibly uncomfortable with two 19-year-old women, wanting kids.

He could barely look at us, and was even stumbling over simple words like ‘couple’ and ‘partners.’

Then, with a dismissive shrug, he told us we’d probably be waiting years, given our age.

Well he was wrong, and just a few years later we have a beautiful son, Freddie, but that didn’t mean it was easy at the time. 

We were upset and disappointed to be treated like this – we thought society had progressed more. 

In hindsight, I wish I’d asked for a female doctor from the start. 

It felt like, because we were young and in a same-sex relationship, it was hard enough to be taken seriously – even though we had started seriously discussing having children when we were about 17 and 18.

Dismissive reactions like this were part of the reason we had gotten a civil partnership later in 2023, aged 20. 

When talking about IVF, medical staff were always asking if we were married. 

Luckily, that initial doctor’s attitude didn’t deter us. We went to another clinic, and this time, we met a woman who was warm and supportive – as was every other doctor and nurse we met after that. 

Our initial experience was frustrating and invalidating, but I’m so glad we persisted. We’d always imagined ourselves as younger mums.

Originally, we planned to do artificial insemination via sperm donation, but after an ink test at a private gynaecologist, I found out one of my fallopian tubes was blocked. I wasn’t surprised – I had always had painful periods and had an operation for endometriosis. 

Marli and I have been close friends since we were 13, but it took me time to understand how I felt about her and my sexuality. We eventually got into a relationship when we were 16, after I made the first move.

It wasn’t easy. At first I was scared about ruining our friendship, or what people would say – that they may not want to be friends with us, or that they might not support our relationship because we were two women – but in the end it all worked out perfectly.

Our families have been supportive, too – my parents, while surprised, as I’d always fancied boys in the past, were never disapproving, and embraced us as a couple completely.

Still, not everyone reacted with kindness.

One aunt ignored my pregnancy announcement entirely, while happily congratulating my older sister, who is straight, on hers. And when my nephew was born, my aunt again shared her congratulations with my sister, which she never did for me.

People can think and say what they want, but for us, it’s right. We’re mature, stable, and deeply committed.

The fact that we went through IVF in the first place is proof of that.

We were privileged that, because we were eligible for NHS funding, we no longer had to worry about the scary amount of money we needed to raise for IVF, and we were excited we were going ahead with our dream to have a baby – but that didn’t mean we weren’t prepared for the challenges too.

We went through counselling sessions, injections, unsuccessful fertilisations and endless tests and scans – the entire experience was intense, expensive, and deeply emotional.

And it didn’t just end with the IVF process.

I became pregnant in August 2024, with my second round of fertilisation. Everything was progressing well, but then things took a turn when, at 12 weeks, I began bleeding heavily.

Fearing the worst, we rushed to the hospital. We were shocked to find out I’d actually been carrying identical twins, however one was sadly not viable. It was so upsetting to find out this way – especially because we hadn’t even known there were two.

It was indescribably sad. I will never forget the sense of loss. And I was overwhelmingly grateful when I gave birth to a safe and healthy Freddie.

Part of what made the entire process easier was being able to share it with people. I documented the whole journey, from IVF to birth, on social media. I shared bump updates, pregnancy symptoms and cravings, my struggles with hyperemesis gravidarum (severe nausea and vomiting during pregnancy) and the IVF process. 

It became a space to share my thoughts, feelings and experiences. I documented the lows of the process such as the painful jabs, awful symptoms, and setbacks, but also the joy of pregnancy and waiting for our baby.

While most of the responses were positive and happy, we had our share of negative reactions online – mostly from men telling us that our baby ‘needs a father,’ or that ‘two mums can’t do a dads job’, but also from people questioning our age.

But we don’t care if people criticise us, or judge the choices we’ve made. That’s their business – it won’t affect how we live our lives.

Now, at the age of 22, I’m looking to the future and hope to try for another implantation soon. Though we aren’t eligible for free IVF again, we have fertilised eggs from before; so the costs are reduced.

I also recently graduated from university, and Marli and I have planned our wedding for early next year. We want a large family – we’d love to have four children if we can. 

Going through IVF taught me how hard it can be to start a family, whether for people with fertility struggles, or same-sex couples, so I decided that I want to help other families get that opportunity. 

When I turn 40, I plan to donate any remaining embryos I have to couples who need them.

Being a young same-sex couple hasn’t always made our journey easy – but every challenge has only made us stronger.

We may be young, but we show every day that age, gender or sexuality don’t define your ability to be great parents.

It is time for the medical community, and society, to catch up with the times.

As told to Maicey Navarro Griffiths

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing M.Navarrogriffiths@metro.co.uk. 

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