Why won’t anyone take my clothes off anymore?

I honestly can’t remember the last time someone took my clothes off.

I’m talking about those precious moments, just before sex, when I’m more than okay with a guy slowly unbuttoning my freshly ironed shirt, and it tumbling onto his un-hoovered floor, because he’s the one who removed it from my body.

But it was only recently, when I was swapping stories with some girlfriends, that I realised I couldn’t actually recall a recent encounter when someone else had taken my top off.

It was such a concerning thought that I genuinely began worrying I might develop some kind of arthritis — years of having to fiddle about with your own buttons will do that to a girl.

It was then that it became clear to me: the art of undressing is well and truly dead.

Society might have you believe that Gen Z are a cohort of virgins, totally uninterested in sex and romance. But on behalf of my generation, I can confirm there are still a number of us in search of intimacy — we’re just looking for the right kind of touch.

And, re-establishing the importance of taking off each other’s clothes is a great place to start.

‘They’re eager to get to the good part’

I’m not the only one that has noticed the slow erasure of this particular part of foreplay.

‘In my early 20s, my boyfriend and I at the time would always undress each other,’ says Fleurine Tideman, 28, a journalist originally from Holland, tells Metro.

‘But with recent partners, it’s been more of a hurried process of getting our own clothes off.

‘I feel embarrassed fumbling with their buttons and zips, and they feel eager to get to the naked part.’

Rovie Hernandez, 28, an influencer manager from East London agrees, sharing a theory with Metro that the practice of sending nudes might be the culprit. ‘There’s no longer that need to yearn and do the dance of getting naked together,’ he shares.

Meanwhile, Aneesa Ahmed, 25, a freelance writer from South London wonders if hookup culture could be too blame.

‘I’ve been sexually active for long enough to know that what happens in the movies isn’t always the same as reality — where the handsome stranger takes you home, twirls you around and slowly starts taking your clothes off,’ Aneesa shares.

But over the past year, Aneesa tells Metro it’s become apparent that the men she was sleeping with were focused solely on ‘jumping to the good part,’ with a constant chorus of ‘let’s just get naked.’

Perhaps unsurprisingly, when Aneesa did start hooking up with someone who wanted to take their time in undressing her, he immediately became her ‘favourite on the roster.’

‘It added to the whole experience, and it’s annoying in a way that this gave him points and felt better, when it could’ve been that way with everyone,’ she says.

As Aneesa sees it, ‘casual shouldn’t come without care and communication.’

The porn problem

Of course, porn has a lot of answer for when it comes to emerging sex trends.

‘Mainstream porn tends to skip undressing altogether,’ sex therapist, Lu Cook, notes. She says it teaches us that ‘arousal should be instant and bodies should always be ‘ready.’

Plus, there’s the fact that some people enter into sexual scenarios thinking they’re supposed to be looking and behaving like professional porn actors, Gigi Engle, sex and relationships psychotherapist and resident sex expert at the dating app 3Fun, adds.

Gigi says that porn is often utilised as ‘sex education’, which then leads to skewed perceptions. ‘Porn focuses on male pleasure, aggressive sex, choking, and intense penetration,’ says Gigi.

Subsequently, Gigi says, this paradigm means that ‘sensuality and slowing things down is not considered sexy or desirable,’ something that many women need in order to enjoy the sexual experience.

Why is the art of undressing so important?

‘It can take a cis female around 20 minutes to really become fully ready for sexual touch and to experience that level of pleasure — to become fully engorged and wet,’ Gigi adds. Undressing for women then, is an important stage in getting physically prepared for sex.

But for both men and women, it’s an important emotional step too.

‘Undressing is one of the earliest, most tender rituals of intimacy,’ psychosexual and relationship therapist Lucy Frank tells Metro.

‘For many people, being undressed by a partner communicates care, desire, and presence. It’s a gentle transition from everyday life into erotic connection. It also helps nervous systems settle — the slowness gives the body time to anticipate, to feel wanted, and to connect,’ she adds.

It’s a sentiment Lu Cook agrees with, adding that ‘micro-moments’ like undressing can help sexual partners feel more bonded.

‘One of the biggest issues I see in my therapy room is that sex becomes rushed and focused on “getting to the main event,”‘ she says.

‘Undressing each other slows things down and shifts sex back into a sensual, exploratory space rather than a performance or task.’

Bring back playfulness

It’s also worth remembering that undressing someone you really fancy is a lot a lot of fun. Removing your partner’s clothes should be exciting — not yawn-inducing.

‘The art of undressing can be a sensory experience,’ Ethan Holden, 26, a producer from Manchester, tells Metro.

‘You’re feeling the clothes leave your skin — like the metal of a zip or the tightness of the elastic — but it’s not from your own control. You can be playful with it.

‘The idea of my underwear being pulled off me gets me all hot and flustered,’ he laughs.

So there you have it. Slowly take someone’s trousers off — you never know, it might be the best sex of your life.

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