‘We need this back into our lives as women,’ says content creator, Jenna Lee. ‘We are all struggling without it… please, I’m begging you.’
So what exactly is the ‘lost art’ that Jenna is desperately pleading the case for? Fingering.
‘Study it. Eat, breathe, sleep it,’ she says. ‘Do not lose the art of fingering… we deserve this.’
Back at the start of 2024, Lovehoney predicted a ‘Fingerenaissance’, claiming that it would be the biggest sex trend over the following 12 months.
But if the comments on Jenna’s video are anything to go by, the comeback was short lived.
‘Come on guys, it’s not rocket science,’ wrote one frustrated viewer. ‘You can finger it out.’ While another added, ‘90% of guys have no clue how to do it correctly!’
But just how important to our sex lives is the hand job? Well, it turns out, it’s kind of a big deal.
Why ‘outercourse’ is so important for women
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Sexologist Gigi Engle says that fingering is key because ‘the clitoris is the centre of female orgasm.’
‘Fingering is a great way to get the much-needed clitoral stimulation needed to give people with vulvas orgasms,’ she says. ‘The vast majority of female orgasms are clitorally-based in some fashion.
‘The external clitoral glans — that little nubbin you see at the top of the labia — has more than 10k nerve fibres. But, it gets no (or very little) love during penetration.
‘Straight women often view penetrative sex as “real sex” and everything else as extra, but not necessary.
‘Many cis women do not have orgasms through penetration alone and so it’s not going to be as sexually satisfying as other activities like oral sex or using toys.
‘Meanwhile, cis men perceive penetration as the ultimate way to achieve orgasm but this doesn’t work for their partners, leaving their partners unsatisfied.’
A few handy tips
So if your partner is a little too keen to dive straight in to penetrative sex, how can you fingering a bigger part of your sex life?
Gigi, for sextoys.co.uk, says: ‘Possibly the most important thing of all is to communicate with your partner. Have an open and honest discussion about the need for foreplay – not just jumping right to the main event (which is actually an unhelpful way to even look at sex, honestly).
‘Let them know what feels good and what doesn’t. Don’t just lie there and pretend to enjoy something that feels uncomfortable, not particularly pleasurable, or painful.
‘Talk about what is working for you and allow your partner the room to improve their skills. Be empathetic, be loving, and have orgasms.’
If you’re feeling like your hand jobs aren’t getting the orgasmic results you’re hoping for, then Gigi gave us some expert tips.
Firstly, use lube. ‘The fingers against a clitoris (or inside a vagina) require a barrier and some extra lubrication to not feel like sandpaper pushed up against your nether regions.’
Next, consistency is key, so if your partner says their close, don’t pick up the pace. Gigi says: ‘Hand sex will most likely deliver an orgasm when your partner moves in a consistent motion over the glans clitoris.
‘Unlike oral sex, the fingers may need to be a bit more gentle. If you press down too hard, it can become uncomfortable. Have your partner use their pointer and middle fingers to make clockwise circles around the clitoris. If it feels good, keep going.’
There’s also shallowing – the act of teasing the vaginal opening, says Gigi.
Gigi says: ‘The very front of the vaginal opening is packed full of nerves. The bottom of the opening, called the fourchette, is an excellent place to tease and touch.
Lastly, you’ll want to hit that trusty G-spot (or G-zone, as some prefer to call it). ‘Not every woman enjoys internal stimulation, but engaging the G-spot stimulates the apex of the clitoris, the backend you can’t see,’ Gigi explains.
‘Try having your partner use the top of their palm to push against the glans clitoris on the outside while they touch the G-spot with their fingers.’
So flex those fingers, it’s time to rediscover fingering.
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