I cheated on my fiancée — should I still go ahead with the wedding?

What would you do if the person you trusted most in the world betrayed you? Would you be able to forgive them.

That’s what this week’s Sex Column reader is asking of his partner.

The 26-year-old man was all set to get married next summer to his college sweetheart, until a lads trip changed everything – leaving his relationship in tatters.

Now, after doing everything he can to try and make amends, he needs advice on whether or not he should pull the plug on his upcoming wedding.

Read the advice below, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a man whose girlfriend has fallen into an addictive and destructive drinking pattern.

The problem…

Long story short, I went on a friend’s stag weekend in Prague, and due to partying a bit too hard, I ended up in bed with a woman I’d only just met.

She was way older than me, we didn’t speak the same language and under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t have been attracted to her at all. But for reasons I can’t explain, I went back to her flat and we had sex before I crashed out. I’d like to say it was great, but I barely remember it.  

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Hi, my name is Laura Collins, and every week I write Metro’s Sex Column.

I’ve been working in newspapers since completing my counselling training 30 years ago, and it’s always a privilege to help readers.

If you enjoy my column, you should sign up for our weekly newsletter. It has it all – expert tips, steamy stories, and everything in between.

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The next morning when I returned to our hotel, the other lads thought what I’d done was hilarious. Because everyone knew and I thought there was a fair chance of my fiancée finding out, I decided to confess to her when we got back.

That conversation went about as badly as it could have done, and ended up with her going absolutely ballistic and throwing me out of our flat. I stayed with a mate for a few weeks, during which time I did absolutely everything I could to apologise.

I sent my girlfriend flowers and chocolates, I hand wrote letters and cards and shoved them through her letter box, and got mates to talk to her on my behalf. 

It took over three weeks of grovelling to get her to take me back, but the problem is that now I’ve returned, she harps on and on about my infidelity and won’t leave the subject alone.  

I feel as though what I’ve done has totally ruined our relationship, and although we’re back together in practical terms, in emotional terms we’re not. There’s only so much apologising I can do, but the wedding is all planned and I don’t know what to do next. 

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Hi, my name is Laura Collins, and every week I write Metro’s Sex Column.

I’ve been working in newspapers since completing my counselling training 30 years ago, and it’s always a privilege to help readers.

If you love a juicy read, our weekly newsletter has it all – steamy stories, expert tips, and everything in between.

Sign up now to get it straight to your inbox. And if you have a sex, dating or relationship dilemma, get in touch!

The advice

The wedding is the least of your worries right now – it can be postponed or even cancelled, if you can’t resolve your differences. 

The more important problems are not just how your fiancée is responding to your peace gestures, but why you behaved so inexcusably in the first place. You probably wouldn’t even have admitted your infidelity, were you not afraid that she’d find out another way. 

Unfortunately, the trust has gone in your relationship and that’s a biggie. A lot of women wouldn’t have taken you back at all, but I agree with you on one count. You can’t repair the damage to this relationship on your own, no matter how many flowers or cards you buy – if she truly wants to forgive you, the sniping has to stop. 

Repairing the damage you’ve caused is going to be a slow process, but time is a great healer. Have an honest look at what led you to be unfaithful, and ask yourself whether this is genuinely going to be a one-off.

If you truly believe your relationship is worth fighting for, be patient and mean it when you say it will never happen again. 

If things between you don’t improve, then separation may be the best way forward for both of you. It will be painful and difficult, especially when there are wedding plans to cancel, but maybe somewhere deep down that’s what you really want anyway.