You can’t help who you fall in love, but some pairings can certainly raise eyebrows.
That’s the case for this week’s reader, a 38-year-old mum who has found herself in bed with her son’s friend.
The pair have a 15-year age gap, but despite this, she says the sex is incredible, and they both share ‘deep feelings’ for each other.
So, should she tell the world about her new love? Or accept that they’re destined for disaster?
Read the advice below, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a confused girlfriend, who questions whether she should allow her boyfriend’s cuckold fantasies to become a reality.
The problem
I’m 38 and have a lovely 22-year-old son, who I absolutely adore. I had him at 16 and he’s grown into a really super kid, thanks largely to my parents who were completely supportive.
But here’s the problem. For the last nine months, I’ve been secretly seeing a friend of his, who is the same age, though a bit more mature. I fear my son would go absolutely crazy if he knew the truth.
We got together on New Year’s Eve, when we accidentally ended up at the same pub. He recognised me and a bit of innocent chatting eventually led to us swapping phone numbers. Since then, we’ve had lots of dates (all miles from where we live) and have the most amazing sex at his flat. He has so much energy and passion, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever known before.
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My son is in a house share with friends, so has no idea what I get up to socially. In fact, I haven’t confided in a soul because I feel embarrassed and guilty about being with this lad.
It’s more than just sex for both of us, but despite our deep feelings I’m afraid this relationship can never go anywhere, because he’s sure to change as he gets older and get fed up with me.
My son and this guy’s parents would probably go up the wall if our affair became public knowledge. I know I should give him up but the thought breaks my heart.
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The advice…
I appreciate it’s easier said than done, but please stop worrying. At the ages you and your boyfriend are, you’re free to have this relationship without feeling you’re doing something wrong.
You had a child so young that you probably never got the chance to go wild during your teens and 20s, so don’t feel embarrassed or guilty about having fun now.
It probably seems more of a problem because this guy is a friend of your son’s. Maybe if you’d met in a different way it wouldn’t feel like such a big deal, but frankly, the sooner you tell your son (and everyone else, come to that) the better.
Find a quiet time to talk to him alone and gently explain the situation, without apologising. Tell him how happy your boyfriend makes you, and how the two of you don’t see the age gap as a problem. If you talk to your son on an adult level (rather than a mother-son level), he is more likely to take your news on board, even if it takes a while to sink in. And, yes, he may feel a little weird.
But please don’t assume your boyfriend will get fed up with you – why should he? No one can see into the future and life has no guarantees,If you split up because things go wrong, it’s just a sad part of life.
Age gap relationships are not uncommon, though admittedly it is more usual for the man to be older than the woman. But look at Aaron Taylor Johnson and his wife Sam; despite her being 23 years older than him, they’ve been married since 2012 and have two children. I’m sure both his friends and hers took a while to get used to them being a couple.
Look, if certain people can’t accept your relationship on the grounds that you’re 15 years older than your boyfriend, then really – forget them. Those who love you will want the best for you, so be proud and tell them all about your lovely new partner. If this guy makes you happy, they will all come round in the end.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.