As I walked into the kitchen, I stopped in my tracks.

The counters gleamed, the dishwasher was loaded, and the throws and cushions had been folded and brought indoors. While still recovering from the shock, I noticed the recycling had also been put out.

I smiled, and just like that, I felt immensely proud and grateful.

It was July 2025. Our youngest daughter, Francesca, 16, had asked to have a few friends around one evening for a gathering. It didn’t bother me too much, but my husband definitely had fear in his face – he’s seen too many videos of partying teens destroying their parents’ house. 

But we set a finishing time of midnight and left them to it, heading down to our local pub to give them the space to have fun. I trust both our kids and they deserve to enjoy their home just like we do.

That night, we got home at 10. The kitchen and garden had stuff everywhere, music was playing loudly, and the kids were all singing and dancing. My husband attempted to start tidying but I ushered him away – I wanted my kids to learn about responsibility.

The next morning I headed downstairs, half bracing myself for the chaos I was about to encounter. I knew the drill. Dirty glasses and cans on every surface, bowls of crisps and plates everywhere, the smell of pizza lingering in the air – plus tons of cushions and throws left outside on the garden furniture and grass.

But this time was different.

It reminded me of a parenting truth: Kids mirror what they see. It’s learned behaviour. I know that better than anyone, and I was looking at the proof. 

When I was a teen, my room was mostly neat and tidy. It had occasional messy moments – usually around exam time or dance rehearsals – but in general, I kept any mess to a minimum. 

More importantly, though, I loved my room. It was my sanctuary and happy place. My parents valued routine and order and, thanks to them, I learned the beauty of living in a calm and contented space. I absorbed that without even realising it and, when I had my own children, I knew I wanted to pass these values on to them.

So, ever since my daughters Francesca and Amelia were small, my husband and I have been consistent in keeping a tidy and organised home. Clearing the table after dinner, loading the dishwasher and making the beds are family habits in our house.

My husband and I wanted our girls to respect their space and knew this was an important skill for them to learn. While they learned about tidying up at school, we always thought: ‘Why can’t they do the same at home?’

So both girls grew up seeing that organisation isn’t a punishment or a boring duty, but something that makes life calmer and easier; and that ‘tidy up time’ can be fun. 

When they were little, we sang a song about cleaning that they loved, and they got rewards for it like a cinema trip.

I can’t take full credit – Francesca is naturally very conscientious, and school routines definitely have helped.

Of course, it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. Like most kids, they’ve both gone through messy phases, and that’s okay. Francesca had a stage where clothes seemed to live permanently on her chair, while Amelia would stuff clothes into her drawer and then struggle to find them again.

What helped was gentle encouragement. Instead of nagging or swooping in to do it for them, I set boundaries.

‘If you want friends over, your room needs to be reasonably tidy.’

‘Respect your space, a tidy one will always make you feel calmer.’

Over time, those lessons seem to have clicked, and my daughters started to see the benefit.

And as I watch my girls take responsibility for their own spaces, I see my own parents’ quiet influence at work. It always makes me smile. 

I dedicated my book Mind Over Clutter to my parents, as I’m super grateful for their love and lessons whilst growing up. 

They helped me become the person I am today. As a family we all help one another, it’s not an unusual activity to ask everyone to help out during family gatherings.

The morning after Francesca’s party wasn’t just about walking into a clean house, it was about recognising the values that had taken root in her. Respect for her home, consideration for me, and pride in creating a welcoming environment. I think she even influenced her friends, asking them to help her too.

These things don’t happen overnight, but when they show up in moments like this, they’re all the more rewarding. Teenagers are more than capable of surprising us in the best possible ways; we just need to let them do their thing.

So, if you’re a parent struggling with a messy teen, my advice is simple. Show them.

Model the behaviour you want them to see. Demonstrate to them, through your own actions, that tidying isn’t about perfection – it’s about making life easier and more enjoyable.

Break tasks into small steps rather than demanding they do their whole room in one go. Celebrate progress, say ‘well done’, and don’t fixate on what’s not done exactly your way.

Most of all, give them the space, the time, and the chance to show up for themselves – not just to please others – and your kitchen will start reaping the rewards.

Originally published October 4, 2025

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.

As I walked into the kitchen, I stopped in my tracks.

The counters gleamed, the dishwasher was loaded, and the throws and cushions had been folded and brought indoors. While still recovering from the shock, I noticed the recycling had also been put out.

I smiled, and just like that, I felt immensely proud and grateful.

It was July 2025. Our youngest daughter, Francesca, 16, had asked to have a few friends around one evening for a gathering. It didn’t bother me too much, but my husband definitely had fear in his face – he’s seen too many videos of partying teens destroying their parents’ house. 

But we set a finishing time of midnight and left them to it, heading down to our local pub to give them the space to have fun. I trust both our kids and they deserve to enjoy their home just like we do.

That night, we got home at 10. The kitchen and garden had stuff everywhere, music was playing loudly, and the kids were all singing and dancing. My husband attempted to start tidying but I ushered him away – I wanted my kids to learn about responsibility.

The next morning I headed downstairs, half bracing myself for the chaos I was about to encounter. I knew the drill. Dirty glasses and cans on every surface, bowls of crisps and plates everywhere, the smell of pizza lingering in the air – plus tons of cushions and throws left outside on the garden furniture and grass.

But this time was different.

It reminded me of a parenting truth: Kids mirror what they see. It’s learned behaviour. I know that better than anyone, and I was looking at the proof. 

When I was a teen, my room was mostly neat and tidy. It had occasional messy moments – usually around exam time or dance rehearsals – but in general, I kept any mess to a minimum. 

More importantly, though, I loved my room. It was my sanctuary and happy place. My parents valued routine and order and, thanks to them, I learned the beauty of living in a calm and contented space. I absorbed that without even realising it and, when I had my own children, I knew I wanted to pass these values on to them.

So, ever since my daughters Francesca and Amelia were small, my husband and I have been consistent in keeping a tidy and organised home. Clearing the table after dinner, loading the dishwasher and making the beds are family habits in our house.

My husband and I wanted our girls to respect their space and knew this was an important skill for them to learn. While they learned about tidying up at school, we always thought: ‘Why can’t they do the same at home?’

So both girls grew up seeing that organisation isn’t a punishment or a boring duty, but something that makes life calmer and easier; and that ‘tidy up time’ can be fun. 

When they were little, we sang a song about cleaning that they loved, and they got rewards for it like a cinema trip.

I can’t take full credit – Francesca is naturally very conscientious, and school routines definitely have helped.

Of course, it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. Like most kids, they’ve both gone through messy phases, and that’s okay. Francesca had a stage where clothes seemed to live permanently on her chair, while Amelia would stuff clothes into her drawer and then struggle to find them again.

What helped was gentle encouragement. Instead of nagging or swooping in to do it for them, I set boundaries.

‘If you want friends over, your room needs to be reasonably tidy.’

‘Respect your space, a tidy one will always make you feel calmer.’

Over time, those lessons seem to have clicked, and my daughters started to see the benefit.

And as I watch my girls take responsibility for their own spaces, I see my own parents’ quiet influence at work. It always makes me smile. 

I dedicated my book Mind Over Clutter to my parents, as I’m super grateful for their love and lessons whilst growing up. 

They helped me become the person I am today. As a family we all help one another, it’s not an unusual activity to ask everyone to help out during family gatherings.

The morning after Francesca’s party wasn’t just about walking into a clean house, it was about recognising the values that had taken root in her. Respect for her home, consideration for me, and pride in creating a welcoming environment. I think she even influenced her friends, asking them to help her too.

These things don’t happen overnight, but when they show up in moments like this, they’re all the more rewarding. Teenagers are more than capable of surprising us in the best possible ways; we just need to let them do their thing.

So, if you’re a parent struggling with a messy teen, my advice is simple. Show them.

Model the behaviour you want them to see. Demonstrate to them, through your own actions, that tidying isn’t about perfection – it’s about making life easier and more enjoyable.

Break tasks into small steps rather than demanding they do their whole room in one go. Celebrate progress, say ‘well done’, and don’t fixate on what’s not done exactly your way.

Most of all, give them the space, the time, and the chance to show up for themselves – not just to please others – and your kitchen will start reaping the rewards.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.