Men wish their partners would do this one thing more often — and it’s not sex

Whether it’s a forehead kiss or a cup of tea on your bedside table, small gestures make us feel loved.

And apart from a chocolate digestive, the only way to elevate a cuppa is a compliment from the one you love.

With grand PDAs dominating our feeds (we’re looking at you, Timothée), it can be easy to forget just how far a quick ‘you look great today,’ or ‘you make so happy,’ can go.

And while women often rely on friends for words of praise — safe in the knowledge the girls are typing flame emojis in the comments — men don’t always have this same luxury.

There isn’t a huge wealth of data into compliment giving and receiving, but statistics back this up, with one New Zealand study finding that women compliment other women, more than other men.

And, a recent post from an anonymous Redditor, who we’ll call Luca*, struck a chord with users, after he lamented a lack of compliments in his relationship.

‘I’ve been married five years and together for seven,’ he wrote. ‘Although we both love each a lot and we’re very good together, I very rarely get compliments from my wife,’ he wrote.

While some users said that complimenting was alive and well in their relationships, others related to Luca.

‘I rarely get any compliments,’ read one comment. ‘I couldn’t tell you the last time it happened. I do compliment her regularly.’

‘My husband compliments me every day,’ wrote another user. ‘I rarely compliment him… I do try to say something when I think it. It just doesn’t come naturally to me.’

And a third said: ‘She compliments me once or twice a year. If I don’t compliment her on a regular basis I get asked if there’s something wrong.’

It’s time for a compliment renaissance

Dating and relationship coach Kate Mansfield, explains to Metro why there may be a lack of compliments in male circles.

‘Men do not have the same social networks and close emotional and intimate friendships and support that women do,’ she says. ‘But men need validation and reward based feedback too.’

One of Kates key teaching for couples is the ‘dating your husband’ concept. She encourages women to build connection, and ultimately get their needs met from their husbands, through positive reinforcement.

Madeleine Roantree, a psychologist, also works with couples on a regular basis. She offers clients similar advice. ‘I recently gave a woman in a heterosexual couple the specific task of verbally expressing her appreciation for her partner last week,’ she tells Metro.

‘His reaction surprised her: he reported feeling significantly closer to her and deeply moved by the experience.’

In Madeleine’s experience, women sometimes don’t pay their male partners compliments because ‘they either assume their partners just know, or they feel their partner should be the ones giving compliments.’

‘I was concerned about “bigging” him up too much’

Married couples James, 53, and Claire Davis, 46, met in Ibiza in 2012. Both in relationships, it was three years later when the pair, who by then were both single, reconnected.

At the start of their relationship, Claire admits she often held back with words of affirmation.

‘I’d been through divorce and some heart breaks,’ she tells Metro. ‘I think, subconsciously, I was concerned that if I gave compliments, he might take advantage of my kindness and affection.

‘The mentality was, “don’t show too much, but just enough.” I was concerned about “bigging” him up too much.’

It was only after the pair, who live in London, went to therapy, that Claire began to work on her communication skills.

‘The compliments became easy after that because I wasn’t coming from a place of fear or resentment. I felt safe to be encouraging and kind,’ she says.

And James shared that new compliments have massively improved his confidence:

‘It’s made me feel more able to be vulnerable, and that’s helped our relationship,’ he says.

'I always tell him he smells good — I'm obsessed with his Tom Ford aftershave'

For other couples, sharing a loving word or two comes more naturally. Suzanne Baum and Lewis Cohen, both 52 from London, say that it’s an ‘organic’ part of their relationship.

The pair first met at Leeds University, and 27 years later, they have three sons aged 25, 23 and 16.

‘Lewis has always been a gentleman since the first day I met him,’ Suzanne tells Metro. ‘The only thing he doesn’t compliment me on is my cooking, as I am the world’s worst cook!’

‘Lewis has always dressed stylishly and looked after his appearance, so I’m always telling him he looks cool and smells nice when he’s wearing my favourite aftershave.

‘I think because I had two kids so close together, and then a third after an eight year gap, my life revolved around bringing the kids up. But as soon as the big two went off to university my husband and I had a lot more time to go on date nights and I wasn’t so focused on the kids.

‘It meant we had the time to go away together and so my focus was more on our relationship as with only one child at home it was easier to dedicate more time to being together as a couple.

‘We also started playing padel together, so I now always compliment his shots on court.’

And the kind words are something Lewis is thankful for.

‘She is a bit over the top when we play padel and she screams “oh my God, you are an Olympian,”‘ Lewis jokes — and he does point out this his wife is ‘the first to criticise when my hair looks bad or I’m dressed badly, so when she tells me I look nice I know she really means it!’

Suzanne adds: ‘I’m aware that I’m lucky. I’m very conscious of how important it is to have bagged a good man, so I like to tell him so.’

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