These subtle microbehaviours might mean you’re heading for divorce

Those extra kisses and the sudden flood of attention? They might not be the blessing they seem.

Divorce experts have recently shared a list of subtle signs and microbehaviours that could signal your partner is about to request a separation.

And, as unsettling as it might be to hear, the first signs of an impending breakup can be the exact opposite of what you’d expect.

Not shouting matches or arguments at 3am, but an unexpected outpouring of love.

In some cases, it’s out of guilt or confusion. But in others, it’s all a show, designed to bolster their external reputation should they need to prove themselves as a ‘good’ spouse or parent in a divorce. Yikes.

It’s a scary thought, but there are ways you can prepare yourself. Keep your eyes pealed for the following signs.

‘Game face’ in public, silent in private

Ever watched a couple host an incredible evening, full of smiles and affection, only for them to split just a few weeks later?

It might just be that one of them is putting on a show, employing a ‘game face’ in public so that people don’t realise just how clocked out they are.

Julian Bremner, Partner and Financial Arbitrator at Rayden Solicitors says this ‘can indicate that your partner has fallen into a “role”. He or she knows what is required when in company and they play the part to perfection.

‘However, once alone, if that partner reverts to not paying attention or, at worst, ignoring you, it may be a sign that they have internally moved on from you and you should consider counselling.’

The relationship becomes transactional

Julian shares that, unfortunately, this is ‘terribly common’ during a relationship breakdown.

The expert notes: ‘I constantly hear “we have just become good roommates”.

‘If you are no longer finding time to spend time on you as a couple and have interests that are only enjoyed by you as a couple outside of your role as parents and providers, this can kill a marriage slowly and effectively’.

The ‘roommate paradox’ can creep up slowly and subtly – meaning couples need to be actively engaged in one another, and constantly dating, in order to avoid this from happening.

Becoming ‘father of the year’ overnight

One of the most shocking and upsetting subtle signs to be on the lookout for is if your partner all of a sudden starts taking a more intense interest in childcare.

Typically associated with men, Julian explains that ‘If a man is thinking about leaving his spouse, it is not uncommon for him to take pre-separation advice from a family law solicitor’.

And given the fact that men’s key concern upon separation is the ‘loss of children or the potential loss of children’, it means that their legal team will inform that that ‘need to build a status quo prior to separation showing their active engagement with the children which would support, post-separation, their ability to argue for a shared care regime’. 

So, as Julian adds, this then often translates to the partner becoming ‘father of the year’ overnight.

The expert tells Metro: ‘In practical terms this can look like a partner who previously had a fairly limited role suddenly taking responsibility for school runs, attending every parents’ evening, arranging medical appointments or managing bedtime routines.

One of the easiest ways to determine whether or not this is a genuine attempt to share the parenting more equally often lies in how suddenly the change occurs and what appears to motivate it.

Julian continues: ‘If the shift happens very abruptly and focuses on visible or easily documented tasks, such as making sure teachers know they are doing pick ups or regularly communicating about schedules and routines, it can sometimes suggest an attempt to establish a clear record of involvement. When a partner genuinely wants to share the parenting load, the change is usually more gradual and tends to come with open conversations about redistributing responsibilities rather than a sudden transformation’.

Spending lots of time away from home

This might not seem like a subtle sign, but it can often go unnoticed if you’re not aware that there are underlying issues not being addressed.

From prioritising ‘lads holidays’ and ‘trips with the girls’ to spending late nights at the office for no particular reason, spending time away from the home and a partner might signal there’s trouble ahead.

In a worst case scenario, Julian notes that these excursions could provide ‘excellent cover for an affair’.

That being said, the expert does emphasise that ‘It is great for parties to have friendships outside of marriage and want to maintain those friendships. The occasional boys trips or girls holidays is essential to individual wellbeing and can, generally, only benefit a marriage by allowing that party that independence’.

Picking up a new hobby out of the blue

Did your partner recently take up a new hobby or pursue a passion project that took you by surprise? It might be totally innocent, but Julian shares that ‘suddenly choosing to do something new’ might also be a sign of ‘an internal reflection that all is not well with that parties’ life and they’re looking to shake things up’.

The expert adds: ‘Whilst these can certainly benefit a relationship and does not necessarily need to be an issue – what it can mean is one party drifts from the other. Parties that are similar in their thoughts and outlook struggle with a change if one party, through new learning and new thinking, starts seeing the world very differently.

‘It is also common for one party to simply want to stay as they are while the other grows and explores. This makes the more sedentary party appear less attractive and can lead to marital breakdown’.

Unusual loss of sexual intimacy

It’s normal for couples to go through periods where they take a step back from engaging in sex or sexual intimacy.

In terms of early subtle signs, Julian emphasises that it’s important to watch out for behaviour that feels out of character.

He explains: ‘If someone is being sexually satisfied with a third-party the chances are that they may not be as interested in the same spouse that they have been sleeping with for years. 

‘It may also mean that a party no longer wants sex because they have spent the afternoon with their paramour and therefore simply do not wish to engage in sex again.’

Being extra nice out of nowhere

Guilt can manifest itself in all kinds of ways. If your partner has one eye on the door, they may be feeling guilty about the blow they’re about to deliver.

Using a ‘smoke screen’ can be a useful way for them to hide their true intentions. This typically includes things such as being overly loving, helpful, or even showering them with gifts.

This subtle sign tends to be overtly present when an affair is taking place. Julian notes that some partners develop a strange ‘twisted logic’ wherein if they’re spending money on their affair, it’s only right to spoil their spouse equally.

Makes total sense…

Connecting with old friends

‘Reconnecting with someone from the past can carry a strong emotional pull because it often brings back memories of a time when life felt simpler or more exciting’, Julian tells Metro.

Social media has made it incredibly easy for people to reconnect with former partners or early romantic interests, sometimes years or even decades later.

And what might begin as catching up or reminiscing can sometimes develop into frequent private conversations, sharing personal frustrations about their current relationship and gradually rebuilding a sense of emotional closeness.

Julian emphasises that ‘the difference between harmless contact and something more serious often becomes clear when the communication becomes secretive or emotionally intimate.

‘Signs might include messaging late at night, being unusually protective of their phone, frequently mentioning a particular person, or confiding in that person about personal or relationship issues that would normally be shared within the marriage’.

He adds: ‘many affairs begin as emotional affairs, where emotional attention and energy are directed outside the relationship, and from there the situation can develop into a physical relationship.