He gave me the ick — then I married him

Whether it’s poor table manners, the colour of their bedsheets, or the fact they use an umbrella, the ick can present itself in all kinds of ways.

The British Psychological Society defines it as ‘a feeling of disgust triggered by a specific, often extremely trivial, behaviour from a romantic partner.’

Meanwhile Olivia Attwood, credited with popularising the phrase on the 2017 series of Love Island, explained it in her own way. ‘When you’re seeing a boy and you get the ick, it doesn’t go… once you’ve caught it, it takes over your body, and it’s just ick.’

One 2025 study found that 42% of daters broke things off with a partner after getting the ick, with a further 26% ending the relationship immediately.

But as one recent Reddit post revealed, a lot of couples stay together long after an ick has entered the building.

A poster asked: ‘Those of you who had an ick with someone you were dating and pushed past it, how did it turn out?’

One commenter said: ‘It reappears as an ick again when they piss you off.’

But others claimed it is possible to move past, with one woman sharing how she eventually married the man who’d once given her a strong case of the ick.

‘My husband was a bad speller and often used “u” and made typos a lot when texting. I HATE that so much and […] he picked up on it and stopped. He also knows I’m really good with words, spelling, reading etc whereas that is not his strong suit. so he made the effort to stop doing it

‘On the plus side he was a fantastic texter in terms of effort! Never just one word casual responses so I looked passed it and now we’re married and have a son so clearly I got over it.’

Why can the ‘ick’ be such a big deal in relationships?

Cate Campbell, a trauma, relationship and psychosexual therapist, tells Metro, why the ick can sometimes be so strong.

She explains: ‘If someone else did the ‘disgusting ‘icky’ thing, you might just feel mild irritation or judgement, but when a partner does it, people can have a very strong physical reaction and an emotional one associated with negative thoughts about the whole relationship.’

In these situations, the icky behaviour can make people feel so strongly as it affects their own identity, generating feelings of ‘shame and disgust.’

But it’s also about the way a partner responds to their loved one feeling turned off.

Cate says: ‘If they brush off the incident and keep repeating it, it’s very likely their icked partner will feel they’re incompatible — potentially leading to an even bigger ick about the lack of responsiveness to their feelings.’

Can the ick ever be reversed?

But does succumbing to the ick ultimately mean the relationship is doomed? Not always.

Cate reckons if the thing that’s icking you out is trivial — e.g. you saw them clip their toenails — rather than acting as some kind of indication of moral standing or intellect, then you might just be okay.

‘That kind of ick is much easier to get over as it can pass and never be seen again, so long as the icky partner appreciates the extent of the ick and the need to avoid a repeat,’ she says.

‘But some people go on to use the icky behaviour to tease or taunt their partner, which has a much poorer prognosis.’

The real relationship killer lies in icks that are intrinsically tied to morality or identity. In Cate’s view, this might include topics like sex or porn consumption, which might ‘affect the partner’s feelings about themselves.’

It’s all about feeling shame that their partner is responsible for this behaviour, which might include past infidelity or an incompatible sexual style. This can be incredibly challenging to come back from, and might even require couples therapy.

One redditor, Taylor, shared her experience of this: ‘It depends on what you consider to be an ick.

‘I saw an ex’s boogers once and like yeah that was gross, but it’s a normal bodily function.

‘On the other hand, I’ve also gotten the ick when someone can’t plan something on their own (even like a date/party or something) and that’s more of a personality trait that is harder to move past.’

Time to leave?

With so many jokes circulating about the ick these days, it’s important to distinguish between a general sense of disillusionment with a relationship and a genuine loss of attraction.

Cate says: ‘Relationship disillusionment normally sets in when couples have been through some sort of commitment phase, such as getting engaged or moving in together. Icks at this stage may be a sign of fearing loss of the partner or other commitment issues.’

Other times, these perceived icks might reflect a more genuine sense of disgust, and this might constitute a reason to look closely at the union.

‘Icks are helpful in that they signal a problem, so they should be taken seriously. Recovery can be as much about how the rift is managed by the pair as about the ick itself,’ she concludes.

‘If they can work together respectfully, acknowledging each other’s position, they have a much better chance of overcoming the issue.’

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